Day +6: New Routine

Tonight, I came home from work early. We are doing teacher preparation things which end a little earlier than a usual day. It makes coming back easier because we can kind of ease into the long work days ahead.

I'm doing my best not to count the days we have left in the school year already. Lil Bit is in a new classroom at school this year and is not adjusting to her new classroom very well. I'm not sure I like her new teacher. I know that daycare teachers make minimum wage. It is unreasonable to expect that someone making minimum wage to have a college education, but I am concerned about how well she's is adjusting and how much she'll learn. I love her so much. It broke my heart when she started crying this morning when I said good-bye.

Tonight we came home to Daddy pulling into the drive right behind us. He pulled Lil Bit out of the car seat while I dragged in my purse, briefcase, coffee cup, etc. Such a little thing, but having someone to take a few seconds of hassle and work made such a difference.

Then Chad made dinner while I played with Lil Bit, changed clothes, etc. We ate as a family and then cleaned up together, prepping our side by side coffee makers. After dinner, I sat on the floor with our precious little girl, playing with her kitchen while daddy answered hunting emails about making duck call lanyards. He makes them custom and is looking at doing some for other hunters.

After he finished his emails, he sat on the couch tickling and laughing with her. Later he even sat on the floor reading to her. It was really cute watching him point out the sun and clouds in her book and how Jesus was playing with the little children.

I'm still fighting the cold he brought home, so we have some ways to go before we're normal, but I'm enjoying our new routine. Sharing the chores, taking turns watching the baby play, talking face to face - life is pretty good tonight, despite the severe congestion and cold. I could get used to having him around, but am afraid to. Life in the army is never certain. It's just the way it is, but it is really hard work trying not to let myself enjoy being happy too much, but I'm not going to let anything bring me down today. I don't need to borrow trouble. Tonight, I'm just enjoying getting into a new routine with my soldier home.

Day +4: Back to work

Today was my first day back to school after the summer vacation. It was really hard to go back to school this morning. My husband's family left yesterday morning and we both felt really crummy. I wanted so much more alone time with Chad.

It just didn't work out that way this week. We did get to have lunch together today, which was really nice. It was nice to be able to sit together at the table and talk without having to take turns feeding the baby or chasing the puppy around.

Tonight was exhausting. We're still trying to get back into a rhythm. He spent the whole day doing his own thing, getting his hunting groove going. But it was hard to come home to laundry soaking wet in the dryer and washer, dirty dishes in the sink, clean dishes stacked three high and mail, bills, dinner, etc.

It was just a long day, and Chad and I are trying to get back into a give and take. He has to feel pretty out of it. He came back from war, being gone a year, and is trying to remember how to do the chores, learn what the baby likes and get ready to go back to work himself.

We both had a lot of adjustments to make. He washed my good clothes in the wrong cycle and temperature, but heated up leftovers and fed the baby while I ran errands and did the dishes. We took turns folding the laundry and watched some tv before I had to carry him to bed. I better go before he gets a crick in his neck. 

Day 17: Not enough hours

This has to be quick because it is already past midnight and I have a whole day's worth of chores to do before breakfast in the morning. We spent most of the day cleaning house and I still feel like it's filthy and needs SO much done.

Due to an unfortunate accident on the part of one of the children, who then didn't tell me about said accident and let it get nice and nasty over the past week, I spent a few hours today trying to salvage our love seat. I started just cleaning the upholstery, but the second it got wet, I knew what had happened.

On the plus side, I did get to use my upholstery attachment today. I spent quite a bit of time spraying the core of the cushions with Febreeze and Lysol. Then the cushions dried in the sun. Then I soaked them again and let them dry again. They may need future treatments, but that is all I had time for today. I washed the covers for both cushions and used the upholstery cleaner again.

As long as I had started on the furniture, I cleaned the rest of the living room set, including the throw pillows. I was surprised how dirty the water was. And how long it took to do. Luckily, the boys were helpful and did some of the smaller chores while I was cleaning the oven, doing several loads of laundry, and cleaning the couches.

I am tired, but wired. We have a return date. I can't say when, but it is soon and the more I look around at the house, the more I see that needs doing. My in-laws are coming tomorrow probably unless they decided to wait until closer to the actual return. I know they can help with some of the things I want to do, but you know how it is, you don't want the in-laws to come to a dirty house.

My husband won't care if the house is not perfect. He won't probably notice all the hard work we've put in this week. But I don't want him to come home and notice the things we didn't get done. I don't want him to walk through the door and see all the things he needs to do. I just want him to be able to come home and rest.

I'm hoping that most things will get done tomorrow so I can have some time to rest myself before I don't want to close my eyes and miss a moment. There just aren't enough hours in the day to get ready or to enjoy having him home. 

Day 195: Time for me

I have been really struggling with finding a balance between working full-time and being a mom. My daughter spends more time each day with the teachers in her room at school than she does me. Just saying that makes me want to cry. If I pick her up at 5 and put her to bed at 9, I only get four hours with her a day and much of that time is trying to balance cooking, eating, cleaning, feeding her, folding laundry, basically caring for the home and dog. I still don't get to spend much time with her.

Even when I spend the entire night in the same room as she is, I still struggle with giving her undivided attention. She is great at entertaining herself a lot, but I want to be an active force in her life. That said, how do I carve out time for myself. I am struggling to lose weight. I have a hole in my hip which limits the activities I can do. I am trying to walk with her, but obviously the weather affects that and my mobility is an issue. I can only do so much with her in the evening at home. Tonight, it was dinner, bath and bed so fast that I don't know what happened to play time.

I just feel like I want more time to play with her and need more time for me. I am really feeling frustrated about it. There isn't enough time in the day to be all things. I need to take time for myself, but when I do get a second there is already such a list of things I have to do. I have piles of mail that I need to take care of ( bills, forms, documentation for reimbursement, taxes, bank statements, credit cards, etc.)

Here it is ten o'clock and I had no time for exercise tonight or chores. Today's mail is still crammed in my briefcase where I put it to get it into the house when I got home from work. I brought her in, changed cloths, gave her a bottle, made dinner, fed her, cleaned up dishes, gave her a bath, finished her bottle, put her to bed, took care of dishes and nightly chores, sat down at 9:40 with a yogurt to finish this blog.

I know people do this, do it better than I am, but I am just not sure how. Tonight, I am so tired and worn down. I am not good with mess, unfinished tasks, and clutter makes me a little crazy. Maybe God is trying to make sure I learn to be a Mary, focusing on what is really important and maybe this year it isn't me.