Day 87: Groundhog Day

As much as I have been looking forward to summer vacation, I am a little afraid of being all mommy all the time for two months. I really enjoyed being home with the baby last summer, but she wasn't mobile and napped a lot.

This summer is going to be very different. She is all go go go. I've kept her pretty well contained in the living room, but that is going to have to change. She is going to need more room to explore very soon. She is learning and developing so quickly.

After this weekend, I am mostly concerned about turning into a recluse reliving the same day over and over. We wake up, do potty time, get some food in us, go for a run/walk, eat breakfast, cool down, play, lunch, nap, play, dinner, play, bath, bed. Like a very boring version of the movie, Groundhog Day. 


I really want to use her nap time to write, but I am afraid I will mostly be using it to nap too. Between the Texas heat and the energy used running, I may end up sleeping with her many days. Although I think I may have to dial down the distance after this weekend. I ran 4.3 miles Saturday, but it burned me out for most of the rest of the day. I was so sore and achey that all it felt like all I could do to survive the day. Very hard to be a mommy with no energy.

I have so many things I want to do, but somehow I end up on the couch, trying to stay awake. I think I am going to have to have some caffeine in my summer routine. Although Lil Bit was so great last night. She went to bed at 9:30 and I didn't hear a peep from her at all. Finally at 9, I went in to check on her and she was playing with her stuffed zebra. I think she had just woken up, but who knows. She was very quiet. I actually slept until 8 myself and was up doing stuff before she woke up.

I started with the day with a backache so I took some Excedrin. I think the caffeine helped me wake up and get moving. Other than coffee, I don't have any drinks in the house with caffeine. I am definitely going to have to revise that strategy.

But today ended on a high note. Lil Bit took her first steps!! She walked three times and stood up for long time periods a few more. She even danced a little bit. I was so worried that I would miss it. If the summer is full of moments like this, maybe I won't mind living it over and over.

Day 116: Secretariat

I watched the Disney movie Secretariat, tonight. As far as movies go, it was pretty good. There were some slow places, but I was alternating between playing with the baby and watching so it didn't drag too much for me. It didn't get too exciting until the end. I wish they had gotten to the exciting part sooner and gone a bit deeper into the periods between races, etc.

If you don't know this film because you've somehow missed the barrage of advertising over the past year, it is about the greatest racehorse that ever lived.  I wish they had focused a bit more on his training. I was telling my Lil Bit when I was getting her ready for bed that my dream when I was a little girl was to raise and train race horses. I must have read every Black Stallion book in the series at least twice, 21 books. I loved reading about the training methods and the details about caring for and riding horses.

Yet, the story was more about his owner Penny Tweedy. She was an ordinary housewife in 1973. And became the owner of one of only 11 horses to win the triple crown. The risks she took with her family and money and horse were scary bold and reckless. She risked her entire family's financial security on a hope that this horse was going to be amazing. It paid off, and no one will ever know how much was an educated gamble and how much was just hope.

I realized watching this movie that it might have ended differently if I had been in charge. I just don't think I have the take risks gene. I loathe uncertainty and can't see pursuing a career or job without some security. I have to everything just so. I like knowing how much each paycheck is going to be. Living life with millions of dollars at risk is so far beyond who I am. I am pretty sure that I just don't have the cajones or guts that someone needs to take life by the horns and fail to give up on a dream if it involves big risks like that. What I don't know is if I have the fortitude to take the time for my dream when I can't find time to water the lawn or mop the floor.

I have a dream that I do not want to let die. I am afraid this summer is kind of my last chance. The movie was great, cheering the horse on even though I knew how it ended. Watching made me realize that I have to believe in myself and take chances on my dreams. No one is going to do it for me.

I am so tired I am falling asleep at the computer, I will keep you posted on my dream.