Day 0: Da Plane, Da Plane

Last night at 8, we got a phone call that he was officially wheels up. So that meant he was on the plane!!! Finally!!! I felt relief immediately. I hadn't realized how much stress I was under with the constant changes and waiting until it was gone. He was on the plane, it was in the air, and he is coming home today!!

Really this entry should have been "De bus, de bus" because once they come in to the airport, they are herded onto big white buses. We sit and wait for the buses to arrive. We anxiously watch the soldiers file off the buses and into the ceremony area, fruitlessly trying to find our soldier in the crowd of ACU clad soldiers.

Last time he came home, I didn't see him until he was almost on top of us. His dad saw him first. They all look so much alike and you'd be surprised after a year, you forget if he was taller or shorter compared to his  company, wonder if his face is really tan, trying to remember how he walks. I spend the entire time scanning for his face wondering if he is watching me look for him, but can't signal because he's in formation.

I always feel like such a loser because I can't find him.  But he'll find me. I can't wait to see him, but I hate all the nervous waiting and driving onto post, sitting in the sun, waiting for hours. If he wouldn't be disappointed we weren't there with a giant sign welcoming him home, I would just swing by and pick him up.

At least this ceremony wasn't in the hot sun, like last time and we saw him as soon as he ran in. They had the guys run in with a smoke machine, which is really cheesy, but in the moment, was pretty cool. They were playing all sorts of upbeat music, of which my favorite had to be "It's Raining Men", which after a year of alone time, I could totally appreciate the sentiment.

It was a pretty overwhelming day. He just felt like everything was going a hundred miles an hour, and I did too. Usually, I'm all about having everyone here, but it was different tonight. I just felt like I had a million tiny, insignificant details that I wanted to tell him all at once. I wanted his opinion on the new dishes and the new furniture. I wanted to show him how nicely I arranged his clothes for him and how clean the house is. But he had so many people vying for his attention that he couldn't focus on just me.

He wanted to tell all sorts of stories, but with cooking, picking up, keeping up with three children and drinks, it was hard to follow what was going on. I didn't do any of the cooking, but I was trying to get knives or cutting boards or direct people toward spices or tools they needed. It kind of felt like the whole world was happening all at once. I wanted to talk to my sister-in-law, then MIL and then was also trying to referee a Kinect game and chase the baby.

It was a lot of activity. We both are just wiped out. He is sick on top of being exhausted and I feel just like I want to crawl into a cave and crash. I would give ANYTHING to be able to take a few days right now and just go away, me and him (no kids) and just relax. I am glad everyone is here and they are helping with cooking, cleaning and supervising of children, but after holding everything in for a year and then being so stressed and tense this week, we both can finally relax. All we want to do is sleep.

That's the truth of the return. While Chad pushed past his exhaustion most of the evening, he couldn't go much longer, so we asked the neighbors to leave and come back tomorrow. He took a hot bath and I washed his hair and scrubbed his back and rubbed his neck. We talked for a little while and then went to bed. I got back up so I could fill you in, dear reader.

He's home. The countdown is over. But I will continue to blog for awhile longer about the process of reintegrating. Tonight, it is can we sleep together again? I can hear his snoring already and I'm in the living room, so this might be dicey. But, the Beautyrest Mattress we got, doesn't move at all when you bounce on it or roll over, the pad I put on it is a cooling pad and adds just a little extra padding to a firm plush mattress that initially feels a bit more firm than plush. He's already asleep, but will I be able to sleep with the extra noise, heat, presence?

Tonight the lesson was KISS. Keep it simple stupid! We both had all our emotions invested in this day, in the moment, and then spent the day just fighting giving in to the tired feeling we both got once the stress was gone. We had just a little too much going on this evening. If Chad weren't sick, it might not have been so bad, but he was a little loopy from being so tired and I could barely keep my eyes open after three sleepless nights waiting for final word that he was on his way.

Day 29: Heat Boredom

You know how people get S.A.D. during the winter, that is Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically the lack of sunshine affects their moods and triggers a depression. To some extent, I get that. I get so tired of going to work in the dark and coming home to the dark. We spend most of the winter closed up from the darkness.

Well, we have plenty of sunshine in Texas summertime, but it has been so hot that no one goes outside. The block where children play and swarm usually during the summer is a ghost town. Except for a few hours in the evening and before ten a.m., the block shows no life whatsoever.

After 30 days of over 100 degrees, I feel just as locked in my house as I do in the winter snows up north or in the darkness of the work week. I am not really a busy person. I like laying around and not doing much. I like brainless television and naps, but even I can only do that for so long before I am terminally bored.

Today, we watched Sesame Street, played puzzles, tickled and laughed, and napped and did it all again. I miss my husband for many reasons, but today I missed having someone else to talk to, to spend time with, a reason to get out of my pajamas and do something other than play with the baby and clean.

Crossing fingers, we are under three weeks before his return, possibly even less. And I'm starting to get really bored, but there isn't much I can do in this horrible heat. I took the baby for a jog yesterday and nearly had heat stroke by the time I got home 45 minutes later. I could barely complete 2.5 miles in the time I would normally be over 3 and working toward 4. I was sick to my stomach and getting dizzy. The baby was bright red under her shade and with plenty to drink. It just is too hot.

She is finally walking well enough to go to the park, but not until after dinner time is it cool enough to attempt. And with just her, sometimes by dinner time the last thing I want to do is go through all the effort to go out. Missing my husband is pretty much an every day thing now, but today it was all day.

I need someone else here to talk to, laugh with, take over when the baby has jumped or climbed on my last nerve. This week she's learned to climb and now can escape my little baby jail that had been keeping her safe enough to leave in the living room for a quick shower or whatever. Not so anymore, she has mastered climbing and getting out is less scary than the fact that she might fall. So now I feel more nerve racked and crabby than before since I can't even get a break for a few seconds before I'm peeling her off something else.

I'm tired and bored and lonely, and that is nothing compared to how horrible my husband has it. I'm really ready for this to be over!! UGH!! I suppose the good news is that the days are actually moving. We are getting closer and closer to the end even if it feels like it's moving at a turtle pace. I really only have four more days before the boys are here and they will definitely keep me busier and be company, not terribly relaxing company, but hopefully they will be gungho on project Daddy prep. and help get everything done around the house we can so that he truly can come home and relax.

Maybe I can too, before I head back to 187 days worth of teenagers who don't care what a sentence is. 

Day 234: Not yet!!

Going back to work after two weeks off is always a little hard, but this break from school was a bit more busy than I generally like to be. I need peace, quiet, solitude, and if I don't get it, just don't feel very rested emotionally. My husband recharges by hunting and fishing. I recharge by just being able to relax, no make-up, no hair styling, no worrying about anyone other than me (and now Lil Bit) for a day or two, which is why most weekends are pretty solitary for me. I take one day to just crash and one day to prepare for the week ahead.

This two week break was pretty hectic or full the entire time. I had two very long travel days. I spent a week at my sister's house, which was nice but not very quiet with twin four year olds, my sister, her husband, my mom and the holidays. My second week was full of two tween boys, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, step-father-in-law, dog-in-law and more holidays and shopping and cooking and playing games, etc.

It was all fun, and I did sleep more than I do during work and easier in my own bed for the last week, but I still feel like I have to be on, social, conversant when visiting or being visited. I love being social, just not all the time. Today I had a few hours to myself, but would love another day or two to just hibernate. All of a sudden it is time to go to bed, and I don't feel ready for work. My coffee maker died today, so tomorrow may be rougher than I hoped.

I also got lots of help with Lil Bit over the break which was greatly appreciated, but I miss having our special time too. Seems like when you live this far away from everyone it is all two-sided, love the visit and help, but wish we could do it more often for fewer days at a time; love the help, but miss our routine and special times just itty bitty and mommy.

I just wish I had another day. I need another week to get done what I should have worked on over the break, but I didn't have a second to focus on school work. Grading essays - yeah, that totally didn't happen. Hopefully, I can just put the nose to the grindstone and knock them out this week. I have a lot to do. I spent months looking forward to the holidays and it went so quickly, I just wish that wishing it to last another day could make it so, but I don't foresee a snow day in our 70 degree future. Can I say Bah Humbug to going back to work?

Bah Humbug - I don wanna work, I just wanna bang on dee drums all day. Oh well, I took some time to hit the ground running, get coffee made, lunches packed, bottles ready, but I did as little as possible today so I could enjoy the last few hours of freedom and tackle any hard stuff next weekend. Which by the way, will totally be CAVE time!! Just me and my baby.