A few months ago, I had this perfect baby who went straight to sleep when I put her into her crib. She played happily in her Jumperoo or on the floor. She was OK with me being across the room and yet loved when I would play with her. She was content and easy going. Everyone teased me about being SO lucky.
Well, that all changed a few weeks ago. And it has been a roller coaster. She has been all over the map since we went back to school, but I think it has been a confluence of events: separation anxiety, teething, change in routine, new developmental stages, and lastly a cold.
After a rough night, she woke up this morning at 6 a.m. and wanted to be up. Usually she sleeps until we leave. Yesterday, she slept until nine. Today, I thought we weren't going to make it out the door. She woke up just before my alarm and screamed and screamed. At first, she was relatively content with being in her Jenny jump-up. She sat slowly twirling, snot draining down her face, peacefully watching me get ready for school. Still in my underwear, hair still in curlers, Lil Bit lost it.
She started sobbing quietly. So I stopped getting ready. I changed her diaper, got her dressed for the day, and put her into her carseat so I could finish getting ready. I talked to her, carried her from room to room, sang to her. Despite my best efforts, she started purple crying. Nothing consoled her, except rocking her back and forth, which was unproductive towards me getting dressed.
I wonder what changed. One thing I noticed, was that she started pulling up. Maybe the unsteadiness of her feet, the shaky new heights from which she now views her world scares her and makes her seek comfort and reassurance. I don't know. I do know that when she changes, I change. And about the time I start getting it right, she'll do it again.
Showing posts with label view. Show all posts
Showing posts with label view. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, September 3, 2010
Day 355: Suck it up
Yesterday, a new wife facing her husband's first deployment commented that her mother-in-law (MIL) had told her to "Suck it Up and deal! You signed up for this." She was very upset and frustrated with her MIL. I told her I could relate.
First, my mother-in-law is AWESOME! We <3 her!! But we did have a similar conversation many years ago. It was Chad's second deployment, but my first. We were just engaged and busily planning the wedding. It was one of those days when the weight of missing him just drags me down and the emptiness he leaves in my heart twists and turns inside my stomach like a fear dagger. I don't remember exactly what I said or what she said, but the essence was this is what you signed up for. My son doesn't need to deal with your tears and weakness. You need to be strong for him.
I was taken aback. Here was the one person I expected to understand the worry, fear, longing, love and she was sharp, almost cold to my plea for support. It was one of those comments that stung for a time, but got forgotten. She is very supportive and probably reading this right now so I don't want her to think I am upset, but I have learned a few things along the way, now three deployments into this marriage.
1) After two glasses of wine, don't ask my MIL anything unless you expect the unvarnished truth! 2) Her experience and fears are different than mine. She saw me vulnerable and weak and went straight into momma bear mode. She saw the woman her son loves desperately, has gone over and beyond to propose to and make a life for, being weak. She saw her son's heart breaking when I change my mind about marrying him or marry him and eventually cheat or leave. She saw with her heart and wanted to be sure that I was strong enough to maintain a marriage during the most difficult of times and that I would be strong enough that he could leave me, children, home to go into war without worry. His mind has to be singularly focused on what he is doing or he could put himself or others in danger.
While I still have those days when I need to cry, vent, rage, she now realizes that I need those releases so I can be the strong independent woman her son needs and not lose my mind. While she will never understand exactly what I am feeling during these long stretches of time he is away in danger, I will never fully appreciate her perspective either as a mother fearful for her precious child. We are both here loving and supporting my husband and each other. Military wife/MIL lesson aside, the real lesson is to see things from someone else's vantage point before you get your panties in a wad. Often the view is surprising.
First, my mother-in-law is AWESOME! We <3 her!! But we did have a similar conversation many years ago. It was Chad's second deployment, but my first. We were just engaged and busily planning the wedding. It was one of those days when the weight of missing him just drags me down and the emptiness he leaves in my heart twists and turns inside my stomach like a fear dagger. I don't remember exactly what I said or what she said, but the essence was this is what you signed up for. My son doesn't need to deal with your tears and weakness. You need to be strong for him.
I was taken aback. Here was the one person I expected to understand the worry, fear, longing, love and she was sharp, almost cold to my plea for support. It was one of those comments that stung for a time, but got forgotten. She is very supportive and probably reading this right now so I don't want her to think I am upset, but I have learned a few things along the way, now three deployments into this marriage.
1) After two glasses of wine, don't ask my MIL anything unless you expect the unvarnished truth! 2) Her experience and fears are different than mine. She saw me vulnerable and weak and went straight into momma bear mode. She saw the woman her son loves desperately, has gone over and beyond to propose to and make a life for, being weak. She saw her son's heart breaking when I change my mind about marrying him or marry him and eventually cheat or leave. She saw with her heart and wanted to be sure that I was strong enough to maintain a marriage during the most difficult of times and that I would be strong enough that he could leave me, children, home to go into war without worry. His mind has to be singularly focused on what he is doing or he could put himself or others in danger.
While I still have those days when I need to cry, vent, rage, she now realizes that I need those releases so I can be the strong independent woman her son needs and not lose my mind. While she will never understand exactly what I am feeling during these long stretches of time he is away in danger, I will never fully appreciate her perspective either as a mother fearful for her precious child. We are both here loving and supporting my husband and each other. Military wife/MIL lesson aside, the real lesson is to see things from someone else's vantage point before you get your panties in a wad. Often the view is surprising.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)