This is kind of a long roundabout conversation. For one, once again I got sucked into a Facebook debate about first religion and then parenting. I wish I could just walk away when people say things that strike me as singularly ignorant or wrong.
Today I almost ignored it, but when someone says something doubting the existence of God, I can't let it go. I know it is futile to argue religion with people, but God calls us to share our faith. I don't try to force it on people, and I have a lot of questions about things that don't make sense to my human mind, but when someone opens the door, I would feel remiss if I didn't share what I believe. If I truly think God is the answer, I would be a crappy friend if I said nothing.
I used the analogy that God's plan for us is like how we as parents sometimes allow our children to suffer (i.e. cry in their cribs because they don't want to go to bed, be angry because we say no, etc.) because we know better than they do. My FB friend adjacent (a FB friend of a friend) basically criticized my parenting through the use of my analogy. It really hurt.
My Lil Bit was crabby and fussy around noon today. She usually takes a nap around 11, but did not get up as early today so I let her stay up a bit later. When it was time for her nap, I picked her up to sing to her, but she didn't want any of that. She started throwing a bit of a tantrum. She doesn't want up, doesn't want to be cradled, doesn't want to lay on my shoulder. She was squirming and pinching and screaming. I decided that her crying was escalating, so I took her into her crib.
I kissed her, gave her her zebra, blanky, and binky. The minute I walked away, she started crying again. She used to go straight to sleep or play nicely in her crib until she did. But I've kind of gotten her into the bad habit of being rocked to sleep every night, which is not something I want her to need every night. Plus, she isn't sleeping well through the night. She hasn't sleep through the night more than a couple of days in months. She has to learn to self-soothe so I can finally get some sleep and so she can feel safe and confident by herself.
I know many parents let their kids cry themselves to sleep at this stage of development. I hate it. I feel awful every second she cries. I walk away for a few minutes, wash a dish, try to let her calm down. If she doesn't, I go back in, give her back whatever she has thrown out of the crib, pat her back. I stand there for a minute and wait until she calms down. I walk out again. I keep doing that until she falls asleep. I have even sat in her room talking to her or singing "The Wheels on the Bus" with crazy made up verses until she stops crying.
This week I've been working really hard to get her to sooth herself to sleep with as little drama and fuss as possible. Then this guy criticizes me without knowing how old my child is or who I am or even what type of person I am. I've spent most of this week and weekend trying not to cry. I'm so tired. Not just physical exhaustion, although that is a lot of it, by emotionally wiped out. I'm tired of daddy being gone for her and me.
I'm not a perfect parent. I let the TV run in the background WAY too much. I spend a lot of time in my pajama's and I leave her toys all over the living room. But I really resent people criticizing my parenting. Most people don't know what they are doing. And we all make mistakes.
I don't mind tips, if someone sees me doing something and they've tried something better or easier. It is hard to take a tip, but if someone offers it like really a gift not as some method of putting you down or telling you how to parent, that is OK. I just don't think until your children turn out to be perfect little people you have a right to judge someone else who is truly doing the best they can.
Some parents beat their kids, give them drugs, don't feed them. Those people need someone to judge them, like an actual judge and take their kids away. I'm not talking about those people. I don't feed my daughter all natural, all organic all the time. I sometimes have given her pieces of chicken nuggets. I give her toddler formula instead of milk because it has DHA and RHA for brain development and she still seems to have issues with lactose. She dances like crazy to Vivaldi and Taio Cruz and Martha and the Vandellas. I don't know how to do everything right. But I'm the one here doing it. She's had a sitter 4 times since she was born. I take her everywhere with me or don't go. I don't want to miss anything.
I do know she is twelve months old and has used a toilet a couple of times already. She can tell me that she is hungry or wants a cracker or sees a phone. She can hear a bark and sign dog. She signs please, eat, phone, cracker, dog and can follow simple directions that blow my mind. She is wickedly stubborn, smart and adorable. She is well behaved and loving. She snuggles me and kisses me. She is very rarely shy or concerned about strangers. She eats food cold, warm, hot and never fusses.
I think I'm informed. I know I am more patient than I ever thought I could be. I love her more than I would have ever thought possible. That is really the most important thing. Oh, yeah she also went down tonight with a few hugs and kisses and one brief cry fighting sleep and out. She doesn't feel abandoned or lost or unheard, she knows I am always here, always coming for her.
I may not be doing it the way you would. I may not be doing everything right. I am using all the years of knowledge I have, all the instincts, perceptions, and frankly, GUESSING about a lot of stuff using my gut. Even if you study child pysch, really most of us are using our best educated guess about parenting. Maybe my guessing turns out OK, maybe yours does too, just completely different. Isn't that what makes life interesting. If we all did everything the same, the world would implode from boredom. So please, self-righteous pomposity isn't allowed here. Got a tip? a KIND word of advice? then I'm all ears. Everything else is just trying to push your ways onto everyone else. My kid is just fine despite my failings as a human being.
Today I almost ignored it, but when someone says something doubting the existence of God, I can't let it go. I know it is futile to argue religion with people, but God calls us to share our faith. I don't try to force it on people, and I have a lot of questions about things that don't make sense to my human mind, but when someone opens the door, I would feel remiss if I didn't share what I believe. If I truly think God is the answer, I would be a crappy friend if I said nothing.
I used the analogy that God's plan for us is like how we as parents sometimes allow our children to suffer (i.e. cry in their cribs because they don't want to go to bed, be angry because we say no, etc.) because we know better than they do. My FB friend adjacent (a FB friend of a friend) basically criticized my parenting through the use of my analogy. It really hurt.
My Lil Bit was crabby and fussy around noon today. She usually takes a nap around 11, but did not get up as early today so I let her stay up a bit later. When it was time for her nap, I picked her up to sing to her, but she didn't want any of that. She started throwing a bit of a tantrum. She doesn't want up, doesn't want to be cradled, doesn't want to lay on my shoulder. She was squirming and pinching and screaming. I decided that her crying was escalating, so I took her into her crib.
I kissed her, gave her her zebra, blanky, and binky. The minute I walked away, she started crying again. She used to go straight to sleep or play nicely in her crib until she did. But I've kind of gotten her into the bad habit of being rocked to sleep every night, which is not something I want her to need every night. Plus, she isn't sleeping well through the night. She hasn't sleep through the night more than a couple of days in months. She has to learn to self-soothe so I can finally get some sleep and so she can feel safe and confident by herself.
I know many parents let their kids cry themselves to sleep at this stage of development. I hate it. I feel awful every second she cries. I walk away for a few minutes, wash a dish, try to let her calm down. If she doesn't, I go back in, give her back whatever she has thrown out of the crib, pat her back. I stand there for a minute and wait until she calms down. I walk out again. I keep doing that until she falls asleep. I have even sat in her room talking to her or singing "The Wheels on the Bus" with crazy made up verses until she stops crying.
This week I've been working really hard to get her to sooth herself to sleep with as little drama and fuss as possible. Then this guy criticizes me without knowing how old my child is or who I am or even what type of person I am. I've spent most of this week and weekend trying not to cry. I'm so tired. Not just physical exhaustion, although that is a lot of it, by emotionally wiped out. I'm tired of daddy being gone for her and me.
I'm not a perfect parent. I let the TV run in the background WAY too much. I spend a lot of time in my pajama's and I leave her toys all over the living room. But I really resent people criticizing my parenting. Most people don't know what they are doing. And we all make mistakes.
I don't mind tips, if someone sees me doing something and they've tried something better or easier. It is hard to take a tip, but if someone offers it like really a gift not as some method of putting you down or telling you how to parent, that is OK. I just don't think until your children turn out to be perfect little people you have a right to judge someone else who is truly doing the best they can.
Some parents beat their kids, give them drugs, don't feed them. Those people need someone to judge them, like an actual judge and take their kids away. I'm not talking about those people. I don't feed my daughter all natural, all organic all the time. I sometimes have given her pieces of chicken nuggets. I give her toddler formula instead of milk because it has DHA and RHA for brain development and she still seems to have issues with lactose. She dances like crazy to Vivaldi and Taio Cruz and Martha and the Vandellas. I don't know how to do everything right. But I'm the one here doing it. She's had a sitter 4 times since she was born. I take her everywhere with me or don't go. I don't want to miss anything.
I do know she is twelve months old and has used a toilet a couple of times already. She can tell me that she is hungry or wants a cracker or sees a phone. She can hear a bark and sign dog. She signs please, eat, phone, cracker, dog and can follow simple directions that blow my mind. She is wickedly stubborn, smart and adorable. She is well behaved and loving. She snuggles me and kisses me. She is very rarely shy or concerned about strangers. She eats food cold, warm, hot and never fusses.
I think I'm informed. I know I am more patient than I ever thought I could be. I love her more than I would have ever thought possible. That is really the most important thing. Oh, yeah she also went down tonight with a few hugs and kisses and one brief cry fighting sleep and out. She doesn't feel abandoned or lost or unheard, she knows I am always here, always coming for her.
I may not be doing it the way you would. I may not be doing everything right. I am using all the years of knowledge I have, all the instincts, perceptions, and frankly, GUESSING about a lot of stuff using my gut. Even if you study child pysch, really most of us are using our best educated guess about parenting. Maybe my guessing turns out OK, maybe yours does too, just completely different. Isn't that what makes life interesting. If we all did everything the same, the world would implode from boredom. So please, self-righteous pomposity isn't allowed here. Got a tip? a KIND word of advice? then I'm all ears. Everything else is just trying to push your ways onto everyone else. My kid is just fine despite my failings as a human being.
