Day 146: Boycotts

I used to teach a Women in History class. I broke my curriculum into two parts. The first nine weeks we studied women of the world. The second nine weeks we studied American women and their roles in the history of our country.

After the colonial period, we studied the Revolutionary period. Most of my students knew the battles and images of the Boston Tea Party, but didn't understand that the real resistance started with the women boycotting British goods. Arguing with the British, declaring independence, and protesting didn't work, but hurting the British government and merchants financially made those first voices of freedom heard. The boycotts primarily fell on the shoulders of the women who had to find alternatives for textiles, utensils, tea. In fact replacing tea, led to the discovery and popularization of a new warm drink, coffee. Say thank you Starbucks! But the boycotts were at least effective enough for England to take notice we were serious.

This week a disturbing advertisement for a new Abercrombie & Fitch Kids swimsuit was released. The Ahley bikini was marketed as a push up triangle top. A&F Kids target consumers are under twelve years old! What do they have to PUSH UP? Apparently, I was not the only parent of a young girl who is already horrified by the sexualization of our society and felt that A&F was irresponsible in its marketing.

According to Laura Heller of Wallet Pop, after several days of outraged consumers, A&F changed the description of the product to a "lightly padded" triangle top and agreed that the top was best marketed to girls twelve and up.

I am still concerned. They did not stop selling the top. They did not change the top. If it is designed to "push-up," it is still going to do that for girls who are too young to worry about sexuality. They are marketing, to twelve year olds, a top to enhance their busts. WHAT?! I don't want my daughter to worry about her chest until at least she is done developing one. Ideally, I wouldn't want her to worry about it at all.

In our media gorged society, a girl who doesn't worry about her physical appearance would be incredibly rare. We are confronted at every turn by glammed up genetic freaks who are then additionally airbrushed into a frightening level of perfection. Not everyone feels the pressure to conform, but most do to some extent. Our society is so appearance conscious that girls feel if they don't measure up, they don't matter. In fact we are more than beauty fiends, we are perfection happy.

I know I have struggled with my flaws my whole life and they only increase exponentially after 30. I have struggled as seeing myself as worthy of a happy, full life because I am not a size zero supermodel.If as an adult, my heart and head are infected by the messages of our media, how much more vulnerable is my Lil Bit?

I think free speech is great, but we have to draw a line somewhere and I personally resent advertisers trying to impose on children generic standards of beauty that have nothing to do with where true beauty lives. But Abercrombie & Fitch aren't truly listening. They made cosmetic changes to their campaign, not to the product. Some even believe that this was all a publicity stunt.

The company made a decision to sexualize little girls. They decided to use manipulative techniques to make children insecure about their bodies in a world that body image is so distorted. I don't plan on shopping there, now or ever. Maybe my one little voice won't ever be heard, but when a company's behavior is so abhorrent, I can't be silent.

If you agree and want to give my voice wings, please share this message or this blog post with your friends online. Click share below and let our disgust give A&F pause. 

Day 224: Ready to be a parent?

A friend of mine had this on her newsfeed on Facebook. I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Not my writing, but thought I would share!! 

11 Step Program for those thinking of having kids

by Amy Lawrence 

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.


Lesson 2


Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.



Lesson 3


A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.


Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?


Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.


Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.


Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.


Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.


Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.


This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Day 357: Flyin By

This week I have been struggling with something non-deployment related. I have known for many years that I would not be able to ever carry a biological child. I have grieved off and on over that. But I have had a feeling since I was in high school that I would never get pregnant. Maybe my body knew that things inside were irreparably damaged from my birth defects and complications. In any case, I hoped and prayed over having a baby for many years.

Last spring we were selected by a birth mother and six weeks later, we had Lil Bit. After the expense of adoption, I knew working this year was going to be a must; I knew working this year would be emotionally challenging; I had no idea how much it would hurt. The first day of putting her into daycare was a nightmare. My generally happy baby was a disaster. I picked her up and she was furiously fussy. She screamed and cried for hours. I literally sat in her rocking chair, clutching her and sobbing. Chad just kept walking past making sure I was all right. He finally walked in, kissed me on my head and said if you're waiting for permission to quit, do what you gotta do. Of course, if quitting was realistically an option I would have done it in July so they had enough time to replace me. However, if she didn't start adjusting to daycare, I was going to have to reconsider.

Lil Bit isn't the only one having a hard time adjusting. This weekend some developmental switch flipped in her and she has become very responsive. She has always been pretty alert. Even when she was a preemie and slept 22 hours a day, the minutes she was awake, she was bright eyed, watching everything. Sunday especially I noticed her playing with her toys, reaching for them. Her giggles and coos are musical. I who have to be constantly engaged with TV, cell phone, laptop - have turned everything off just to talk with her. My DVR is hopelessly full.

4:30 tonight, I walked to my car and started driving toward her school. Honking the horn and trying to make all five lights in between my school and hers, I felt like if I didn't get to her right then, I was going to cry. When I saw her, I had to just stand still and hold her. Five minutes, then ten. Other parents are weaving around me to pick up their children and I stand in front of her crib, blinking back tears. I don't know how I am going to do it tomorrow. When I wake her up in the morning, I just want to snuzzle her, watch her giggle, listen to her talk to her fingers. They have very intellectual conversations you know.

More than just normal motherly guilt, I waited 15 years for her. I spent more than an entire year's salary to adopt her and some of Chad's. Now I am missing this most precious time in her life. I love teaching and think I am very good at it, but I have never felt more like me than when I am with her. She and I every evening just together. While I would never wish for Chad to miss a second, I do feel like God blessed me with her in my life right now. Tonight I played 80s one hit wonders, sang poorly and loudly while we splashed all the water out of her tub and couldn't have been happier. I realized the other day that all the memories that make up me, the fall on my bike or the jumping down the stairs trying to fly or watching my mom stir breakfast over the stove on icy Chicago mornings, those moments of my childhood - these days, these moments are the images, feelings, impressions and eventually memories that she will carry like a suitcase with her into the world. It is my job to fill that suitcase with as much love and happiness as she can hold. I have an idea of who I want her to remember her mom being when she was little - fun, silly, spontaneous, gentle - THERE.

I have tried to find a way to finagle our finances, but I can't make money out of thin air. I am a budgeting genius when I need to be, but I am not magical. If I want to be able to stay home with her for a year or two someday, I have to get rid of our car payments. I need to build up some savings again and plan for a few lean years. I don't know how I am going to make it. I must watch the video of her from Sunday morning two - three times a day. By lunchtime I need to see her. My heart hurts and there is nothing I can do but survive it. One of my student's has Asperger's and his goal for today was to live through it. While he is a tad dramatic, I completely understand. I feel like I am counting days, days of school when I have to be away from her, days Chad is gone.

Uno, dos, tres, quattro, cinco . . ." Her daughters are a teacher, a nurse, a physician's assistant. We are the product of a mom who gave everything for us. Doesn't my daughter deserve the same?  I am left crying and answerless. I have no more hands to juggle all these balls and can't find a mystical answer tonight. Many other women will sympathize and say, but I went back to work, suck it up, but they won't understand the ache in my heart that she filled and that I literally think I would rather be broke and home than leave her one more day.

No pithy ending - just alone listening to her snifflely breathing over the monitor trying to resist waking her for more hugs. She and I both need the sleep. Maybe just one more peek and peck. It is never enough! Have you seen those cheeks!?! This first year, this sweetest, baby year is already FLYIN' BY and I just want it to stop. I want to freeze that hour when she is all smiles and alert and thinks I am just everything. Like a popsicle in Texas, it will be gone before I even realize how sweet it was.