Day 160: Down time

After all the SO busy days. Today was a much needed break from being constantly busy for my dear husband. While he has so many things he wants to do, he needs days to relax too. He is so busy every single day over there that he comes home like he is amped up on adrenaline. It takes him a couple of weeks to be able to sit down, sleep through the night and/or take a nap.

I think about how hard it is for me to change my daily routine or habits. I can't imagine having to drop everything you've become accustomed to and jump into a completely different routine. He finds it very challenging to do so. On our way home for his father's funeral, we had to take a different (longer) route because the traffic on I-35 was too much for him. After being on constant alert for the past 6 months, he couldn't process all the cars on the road, their movements and threat assessment. While his conscious mind knew he didn't have to do all that, his subconscious mind couldn't stop racing. We took the longer route so we'd be on smaller highways and experience less traffic.

By the time he went to get the boys for our week with them, he'd been able to re-acclimate to some extent, but every day is a set of new challenges. He doesn't know how to fall asleep in our time zone for a few days, then it takes him a week or so to be able to sleep for more than four hours at a stretch. And when he gets up, he wants to go, go, go, do, do, do. By the time he is ready to calm down and relax, it is just a few days away from leaving.

Seems so unfair that he only gets two weeks to process so many complicated emotions and deal with intricate relationships. I wish the people in charge were more understanding of the issues in returning from war, being able to be here and connect emotionally with spouses and children. Fifteen days is just enough time to START relaxing and coming down off the adrenaline high of combat. Basically R&R is like a big tease. Here, come home, relax and then as soon as you do, are able to, we're gonna ship you back to war. Chad has even had some extra time due to his emergency leave and it wasn't enough.

I know we should be grateful for all we get. In World War II and Vietnam, they barely got letters and didn't get leave to return home for any time. But having it better than they used to doesn't mean it is good, just not as crappy as before. In World War II and Vietnam, most troops did one tour of duty. They weren't sent over and over and over and over. Believe me, it makes a difference.

We had some downtime today. We played a lot of xbox kinect games and stayed up way too late. The boys had light up wands they battered each other with all over the yard. Then daddy and I took over the xbox and played until we pulled every muscle in our legs, shoulders and backs. Then we stayed up later talking, connecting, making sandwiches.

Every little bit helps, but it would be nice to have more than a little bit. I am so looking forward to a day when I forget what it feels like to always have goodbye hanging over my head. Even when it is months away, it starts a countdown clock that never fades from my mind. I guess Chad isn't the only one in need of some serious down time. Crossing fingers that we get it. 

Day 285: Politically correct and all that jazz

Today is grade check for my students for sports and extra curricular activities. If they aren't passing everything, they can't play. You would think this would be motivating, but no, I have an astronomical failure rate. I have never had a failure rate so high, or at least it feels high to me. I have two-thirds of one of my classes failing and I feel devastated. They are failing because they refuse to turn in homework. 80% or more of it was done in class, and they still cannot turn it in.

I feel like being politically correct had its roots in being kind and tolerant, but has run rampant where we can no longer speak the truth in case we hurt someone's feelings. Children are taught to have self esteem, but don't understand earning the right to be proud of yourself. We all have the right to be loved, accepted as human beings, but the right to pride and some aspects of respect have to be earned. I understand watching the little league team that loses be disappointed and wanting to cheer them up. Who can't empathize with disheartened children, but do we do them a disservice by negating the goal they failed to achieve. If losing doesn't sting, who works to win?

What do these two ideas have to do with each other? I think the increased pressure on adults to focus on raising self-esteem has led to a severe flaw in our current educational system. Maybe this is a problem in the geographical area I live in, maybe others are seeing it as well, but students seem to feel more and more like the world owes them a life and less and less like they have to do anything to earn a place in this world.

I don't know that I have any answers today, but I do know that unlimited chances to complete assignments, minimum allowable grades, and the ilk has led to an attitude of apathy seeming to pervade our current culture. I never would have accepted a zero for an assignment. I might not have put 100% into my work all the time, but I generally wanted to do well. I often was the kid with the 98% wondering why I lost two points. It just baffles me that students will sit in class while we're working on a project, do very little and then just take a zero. This was work they didn't even need to take home. If they worked with average diligence, they should have been able to finish it in class. And it was a facebook page for William Shakespeare. They should have had so much fun with that! I made it relevant to their culture, gave them a tangible product, passed out rubrics and gave them class time to work. About 80% of what was turned in would have been failing grades for 6th graders when I was their age.

They don't equate what they do with what they deserve. I saw students turn in slop and truly believe it was amazing. But our school puts pressure on us to give the kids the benefit of the doubt, "Is failing Johnny really what is best for him in the long run?"

When did that answer quit being, 'yes'?!?!? My parents told me the stove was hot; they watched me and tried to protect me from burning myself; eventually, I either learned the stove was hot by listening or touching it. If you never let a child get disappointed, burned or failed, then have you failed him?

Most of the best things I have ever learned was from when I failed or struggled. Even if the lesson was just that I am capable of getting back up, I learned my strengths and weaknesses through the struggle. Today, we use being politically correct and leaving no children behind as a smoke screen to disguise that we're letting emotions govern reason. I am all for being kind, but the greatest kindness might be pointing kids toward things they can really feel good about instead of keeping them from failure.

I'm just afraid by the time we as adults realize we've failed them, it will be too late for our society. The movie "Idiocracy" feels more and more prophetic and less comedic every year. Water your plants people, Gatorade isn't good for them.