Day 114: Me too!

This weekend, I spent some time with military wives and it was so affirming to hear them discussing some of the same issues I have had. I know I put myself through some of it because I choose not to spend time with the FRG and get to know other military wives in my husband's unit. Deployments are tough and it was nice to hear that I am not the only one who has rough moments, especially as a "single" mom.

Being a primarily solitary person, I generally prefer to go home at the end of the day. I am tired and have enough to do at home between trying to keep up with baby and housework that any time I take away from the house is just some I will have to find elsewhere. I've also never been a joiner. I don't like organized activities and so many of them are just not my speed. But the FRG is a group of women who are going through the same things I am and there are times I feel a bit lost. I wish I had more time and energy to make more of an effort.

Listening to a friend say that she didn't really understand when she married a soldier that she was really signing up to be a single mom, made me feel better about how I've struggled and how frustrated I get sometimes. She even has been living with her mother for her husband's deployment. I feel so overwhelmed and alone a lot. I have to choose between taking care of things around the house and spending time with the baby. A lot of things slip through the cracks. Cracks, ha! that is rich, I have abysses!

The allergens have been crazy horrible this weekend and I jut got creamed. I spent the entire weekend trying to stay awake. Last night I was so tired that twice I dreamt I couldn't stay awake while driving. In one dream, I was sitting in the back seat with the baby while driving and couldn't reach the brake pedal. I crashed into a parked car because I fell asleep. Then I realized I had hit a family and a little kid was crushed between the two cars. It was horrible. I could barely drag myself out of sleep to acknowledge it was only a dream.

The dream, I think is pretty indicative of my central conflict: being with the baby, sleeping or doing the things I should be as an adult. I had another dream of sleeping while driving. I hate when I am so tired that I dream about being so tired I can't stay awake. Very strange. Being so tired is partially due to allergens and partially due to trying to do everything and be everything.

It was nice to hear my struggles mirrored in other women's voices. It makes me feel a little more normal and a little less of a failure. Being able to be surrounded by others sharing your experiences is therapeutic, which is why group therapy works. People like being able to feel that "me too!" I know it made a difference today when I just felt so frustrated at my weakness and humanity. 

Day 189: Want to play a game?

Ok, I want you to think about your wallet. Now close your eyes and try to list everything in it. Here is my mental list.
1. Credit Card
2. Bank Card
3. Drivers' License
4. Military ID
5. Chad's birthday check from his mom
6. $20 or so
7. Old Chicago Beer Tour Card
8. Insurance card
9. ATPE association card
10. Library card

Now go get your wallet and look through it. Add important items you forgot or would have no idea how to replace.

1. Key card for my workplace
2. My dental plan card
3. My health insurance card
4. My daughters Safe Kids Card
5. My home state card if my license expires while we are stationed out of state
6. Another credit card for which I don't have the customer service number or account # (I know, my bad)
7. A Starbucks gift card.
8. My daughter's insurance card
9. Various rewards program cards
10. Family pictures

Wasn't that fun? Not so much when this game is played with a missing wallet! I noticed it wasn't in my purse this morning as I was getting out of my car at work. I remembered having it last night when I stopped at Walgreen's for cough syrup. I willed myself not to panic, so I went into work, tense and visibly concerned, but went to my room, helped a student with her work, waited for my co-teacher to get to our room, and then dashed home to check the house. On the way, I call Walgreen's and ask them about it - no wallet, but they will call if it turns up. At this point, I start thinking about what is in it. What do I need to cancel? No biggie, then it hits all my identification is in it, my name, face, parts of social security numbers and I really am struggling not to cry. I call my MIL to have her cancel the check for Chad's birthday. I also realize I have no way to grocery shop or get gas. Deep breaths, in, out, repeat.

When it wasn't in the house, I re-checked the car and then drove to Walgreen's. I checked the parking lot and walked in even though they said they didn't have it. When the clerk at the counter where I must have left it didn't see it behind the counter somewhere, I started making phone calls. I cancelled my main credit card and drove to the bank to cancel the debit card. I called the Sec of State's office back home to find out about getting a new drivers' license. That was all I could do at that point. I went back to school and taught the rest of the day. I got a few tips on how to replace my military ID, which process is a HUGE pain, needing two forms of ID, two forms (one verified?) and my Power of Attorney and then an appointment between 9-3:30 to see someone on post to get a replacement.

But in less than two hours, I had done a lot to get a handle on the situation. Then I joined FreeCreditReport.com so I could start watching my credit to make sure no one stole my identity. I started looking at identity theft companies and was still comparing features of them at 2 when my phone rang.

Walgreen's had my wallet. They had it since I walked off and left it, but I didn't notice it last night and the day manager had no idea the afternoon manager had put it in the safe.

It was a really scary day, wondering what was in that wallet that I couldn't remember, wondering who had found it and not turned it in, wondering what that person might be doing with all my personal information. A lot of prayers got thrown up heavenward. And it all did work out, thanks to the honest clerk or customer who picked it up when I dropped it.

I will say the day was not a waste. I learned I need to update my file about the things I carry in my wallet. I have a file where I keep all the information on all my credit cards, etc. I need to include what else is in my wallet so I know what might be lost if this happens a little less temporarily. I also learned that my credit score is awesome, go me! I also learned that even a truly difficult situation can be managed by being calm, taking things one step at a time and taking some time to think.

You can learn from my skyrocketing blood pressure to find a safe place, not internet accessible to protect it from hackers, to keep all your information in the case you have your own moment of epic failure. I know this happens, or something like it, probably on average a few times in a lifetime. I would hope this will be the last, but probably not. Be prepared - better safe than sorry. Pick an aphorism, but take care of yourself, you are the only you? Right? let's keep it that way!