This weekend, I spent some time with military wives and it was so affirming to hear them discussing some of the same issues I have had. I know I put myself through some of it because I choose not to spend time with the FRG and get to know other military wives in my husband's unit. Deployments are tough and it was nice to hear that I am not the only one who has rough moments, especially as a "single" mom.
Being a primarily solitary person, I generally prefer to go home at the end of the day. I am tired and have enough to do at home between trying to keep up with baby and housework that any time I take away from the house is just some I will have to find elsewhere. I've also never been a joiner. I don't like organized activities and so many of them are just not my speed. But the FRG is a group of women who are going through the same things I am and there are times I feel a bit lost. I wish I had more time and energy to make more of an effort.
Listening to a friend say that she didn't really understand when she married a soldier that she was really signing up to be a single mom, made me feel better about how I've struggled and how frustrated I get sometimes. She even has been living with her mother for her husband's deployment. I feel so overwhelmed and alone a lot. I have to choose between taking care of things around the house and spending time with the baby. A lot of things slip through the cracks. Cracks, ha! that is rich, I have abysses!
The allergens have been crazy horrible this weekend and I jut got creamed. I spent the entire weekend trying to stay awake. Last night I was so tired that twice I dreamt I couldn't stay awake while driving. In one dream, I was sitting in the back seat with the baby while driving and couldn't reach the brake pedal. I crashed into a parked car because I fell asleep. Then I realized I had hit a family and a little kid was crushed between the two cars. It was horrible. I could barely drag myself out of sleep to acknowledge it was only a dream.
The dream, I think is pretty indicative of my central conflict: being with the baby, sleeping or doing the things I should be as an adult. I had another dream of sleeping while driving. I hate when I am so tired that I dream about being so tired I can't stay awake. Very strange. Being so tired is partially due to allergens and partially due to trying to do everything and be everything.
It was nice to hear my struggles mirrored in other women's voices. It makes me feel a little more normal and a little less of a failure. Being able to be surrounded by others sharing your experiences is therapeutic, which is why group therapy works. People like being able to feel that "me too!" I know it made a difference today when I just felt so frustrated at my weakness and humanity.
Being a primarily solitary person, I generally prefer to go home at the end of the day. I am tired and have enough to do at home between trying to keep up with baby and housework that any time I take away from the house is just some I will have to find elsewhere. I've also never been a joiner. I don't like organized activities and so many of them are just not my speed. But the FRG is a group of women who are going through the same things I am and there are times I feel a bit lost. I wish I had more time and energy to make more of an effort.
Listening to a friend say that she didn't really understand when she married a soldier that she was really signing up to be a single mom, made me feel better about how I've struggled and how frustrated I get sometimes. She even has been living with her mother for her husband's deployment. I feel so overwhelmed and alone a lot. I have to choose between taking care of things around the house and spending time with the baby. A lot of things slip through the cracks. Cracks, ha! that is rich, I have abysses!
The allergens have been crazy horrible this weekend and I jut got creamed. I spent the entire weekend trying to stay awake. Last night I was so tired that twice I dreamt I couldn't stay awake while driving. In one dream, I was sitting in the back seat with the baby while driving and couldn't reach the brake pedal. I crashed into a parked car because I fell asleep. Then I realized I had hit a family and a little kid was crushed between the two cars. It was horrible. I could barely drag myself out of sleep to acknowledge it was only a dream.
The dream, I think is pretty indicative of my central conflict: being with the baby, sleeping or doing the things I should be as an adult. I had another dream of sleeping while driving. I hate when I am so tired that I dream about being so tired I can't stay awake. Very strange. Being so tired is partially due to allergens and partially due to trying to do everything and be everything.
It was nice to hear my struggles mirrored in other women's voices. It makes me feel a little more normal and a little less of a failure. Being able to be surrounded by others sharing your experiences is therapeutic, which is why group therapy works. People like being able to feel that "me too!" I know it made a difference today when I just felt so frustrated at my weakness and humanity.
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