Day 301: Wet and Cold

I don't really know what to write about today. This has kind of been a nothing day. Although it didn't start off so wonderfully. Lil Bit woke up at 1:45 a.m. soaking wet and freezing cold. She went to bed at nine with a fresh diaper and by 1:45 had leaked pee pee everywhere. This did not make momma happy!

Why can't someone design a way to change crib sheets easily. In order to change the crib sheet, I have to follow the protocol below.
1. Pull crib out from wall, so I can get behind it to untie the less visible half of her crib bumper, which has two sets of ties every four slats or so.
2. Remove the mattress at an angle around her crib toys and mobile.
3. Pull off the wet sheet and throw it into the hamper
4. Fetch and stretch the clean sheet snugly around the mattress. Because the sheet is supposed to be very tight to decrease the chances of a child smothering on it, this is a little tricky.
5. Slide the mattress back into the crib, pulling the sections of attached crib bumper back up and over the mattress enough to be tight and still protect her from bashing her head into the side slats.
6. Straighten the bed skirt
7. Then retie all the teeny tiny little ties around the bumper so she can't grab a handful and put it over her face.

This process took twenty minutes - anyone else think this is ridiculous? Every time I have to change her sheets, I think this is crazy and wonder why someone hasn't designed an easier system for securing crib bumpers. I keep running this through my mind and wonder if I could invent some new amazing way to customize crib bumpers that are attractive and easy to attach and remove. As often as I want to change her sheets, this ridiculous struggle with the sheets just makes me want to scream.

Luckily, once I got her cleaned up and gave her a bottle, she was less upset. Although trying to wipe her down in lieu of a bath in the wee hours of the morning,  made her very angry. She absolutely hates being cold and wet, so anything that is cold AND wet is on her very short list of obnoxious things. Most of the time, Lil Bit is content and patient, at least as much as is reasonable for a healthy infant. But try to wipe her face with a damp, cold washcloth ~ holy smokes! Better watch out. She gets so angry!! Anymore, I heat a damp cloth in the microwave for a few seconds, get it nice and warm even to wipe her up during "dinner." Peas and carrots kind find their way all over her cute clothes if I am not vigilant.

I always try to find some deeper meaning in what is happening with me each day. Today is to be grateful for the little things. Despite all the middle of the night drama with the sheets, I was able to give her a bottle which I used a stuffed turtle to hold, while I worked on the bed. Between the turtle and her newly dexterous fingers, she was able to eat WHILE I changed her sheets which meant I was able to get back to sleep sooner. I still lost 30 minutes of sleep, but was so thankful that she could eat a few ounces while I changed her bed.

I can't imagine what I would have done if she had not been happy with my makeshift solution. I wouldn't have had anywhere to put a fussy baby while changing her sheets and would have had to hold her while she ate and calmed down and then faced the crib. She ate, got new pjs and was ready to go right back to bed. Other than not having it happen at all, it couldn't have gone any easier.

I am sick with a cold, feel wiped out and exhausted. I am just glad for the little things today. I was invited out for dinner with a friend, but just don't think I can marshal the effort. I hate to decline any invitation because developing and maintaining friendships is so important, but I can't breathe through my nose right now and need a nap. I think I am going to have to do dinner another night, I never know when I will have another crazy night. I think I just want some soup and something warm to drink. Maybe I will mull a bottle of red wine, mmm that sounds good. Check out my wine blog for tips on mulling wine. http://affectionatelywiney.blogspot.com

Day 323: Something new

I gave up on love after my ex-husband and some disastrous dating. I thought I would never find someone worth letting myself love again. Then I met my husband Chad, and I realized I had never been loved. I finally had someone who looked at me and saw the woman of his dreams. He worried about impressing me. He loves to see me smile and wants to make me happy. He was loving me just as much as I was loving him. I felt loved for the first time in my life and loved (still do) him just as much. I finally felt that someone saw the real me, behind every mask I ever tried to wear, and loved me anyway. My heart breathed a sigh of relief and finally believed I knew what love was.

Then in the last few days, I realized what I found and am still finding with my husband was only the beginning of all the things love could be. I know I have written before about how much I love my beautiful daughter. But today, I realized she loves me too. She doesn't know the word, she is just figuring out she has feet, but she loves me. I have walked into daycare for two months and she doesn't really seem to have any reaction when I come in. Today she saw me from across the room and her face lit up. She twisted and turned around the girl holding her to watch me.

Then I had to make an emergency stop for gas on the way home. My gas gauge was glowing and growing emptier and emptier. I was glad I didn't chug into the station on fumes. I watched her through the rear window. She was playing with her car seat toy that Nana bought her.  Usually she is very focused just on her self and in her lap. This afternoon, she was looking around and looking a little concerned. I peeked in at her. When she realized I was there with her, she smiled and continued batting at her frog, looked up again just to make sure I really was still there and smiled again.

I realized I am her safe zone. I make her feel secure. My smile makes her smile. When I clap and cheer for her, she grins from ear to ear. Someday I will be who she wants when her tummy hurts. I will be the one she calls when she is scared and alone, even when she is forty (God willing I can be there to take that call). How wonderful and humbling. I am discovering love in new and wonderful ways as I feel more and more like a mommy everyday. I can't imagine a more powerful feeling than knowing I will forever be tied to this little person.

Sometimes literally, but who cares. Even in the evening, when I used to be able to put her down to let her play for a few moments, she now often wants me just to hold her. She misses me. So things I planned to do might not get done, but these precious moments of being able to wrap her up in my arms and give her everything she needs in a hug will go too fast.

Day 356: Rant

 I hope everyone reading this understands this is my opinion, and I don't always have all the information to form the most educated opinion about complicated military decisions, but today I am really upset about the safety of my husband and the rest of the "security" forces in Iraq right now.

Tuesday night, President Obama addressed the nation regarding the war in Iraq. I wasn't able to watch it because I had to greet parents at our open house. But I caught a news wrap up version and summary, immediately followed by a General talking about the increased violence in Iraq. Can we say I was less than enthused to hear that report right now. Chad is still transitioning INTO Iraq. His regiment is primarily still in Kuwait, training and unloading equipment for a few more weeks. His biggest fear right now are the Kuwaiti drivers who apparently make the drivers in Jamaica look calm. Let me tell you THAT was a cab ride! I will worry about him in the heat, in the traffic and miss him, but it is less stressful for the days or weeks that it takes for them to transition into country and back out for leave and redeployment than it will be when he is at his post in Iraq.

I am very happy that the President is making a sincere effort to follow through on the promises be has made to the American people; however, I am concerned that maintaining a set timetable in order to fulfill those promises may take precedence over protecting American lives.  When the troop numbers have decreased so dramatically, followed by an increase in violence, shouldn't that tell us something? Are we hanging these security forces out to dry? Do they have the numbers and resources to protect themselves? Are the decreased numbers just an invitation to terrorists?

I felt pretty secure during previous deployments that our soldiers had enough of a presence to discourage most of the opposition. What about now? Are the Iraqi police and military forces really allies? A friend of mine at school told me he was concerned that this conflict is showing many similarities to Vietnam. The soldiers can't always tell who the combatants are. They are outnumbered in a harsh environment and the battlefield is sometimes unclear.

I don't know if I was just delusional before and the danger level isn't much different or if getting older has made me understand the real risks. I just don't want the government trying to use our soldiers to accomplish diplomatic goals that perhaps are a tad optimistic. I will worry either way, but want him to have the best protection he can have around him to keep him and his soldiers protected. Just my humble opinion, but don't reduce the troop levels so much they can't continue to stand for what they are defending - us!