358: No plan B

Tonight is going to be short. It was my longest day of the year. I had a full day of school and then open house. I was out of the house from 7:25a.m.-8:40p.m. Lil Bit spent all day in daycare. She does ok in daycare, but doesn't sleep well, so she comes home crabby and fussy. The only hours I get to see her, she tends to be really upset. I find myself opening my cell phone to watch videos of her during the day. Today I spent most of the day trying not to cry.

While this has been a tough week, I don't generally spend this much time teary eyed unless my allergies are acting up. I spent all weekend with her. She probably cried about a tenth as much as the least fussy baby I've ever known. She and I have a great time together and she is so ridiculously laid back, calm, happy. She woke up giggling Sunday morning and really smiles at me in the first moments of every morning. It hurts me when she is upset and when my few moments to play with her are tainted with her tears and frustration. 

Tonight, I had no plan B for the baby. If I had really wanted to leave her at home, I am sure I could have beat the bushes and found someone, but I couldn't imagine leaving her all day in daycare, picking her up only to drop her off with someone else for three more hours. I was worried about getting into trouble, but I couldn't leave her. I spend all day, counting the minutes to get to her. I wasn't going to put her down if I could help it. She was so deliciously well behaved and adorable. But I still had to come home and sterilize two sets of bottles, make up a set to take tomorrow, prepare the coffee and fix a lunch, set out her teeny socks and matching bib with her outfit and feed the dog. Then somehow find a way to settle down and get some sleep tonight.

It was just another reminder that flying solo with no plan B gets a little tricky this far away from Moms and family. She is worth every second. Everyone who saw her tonight, told me how beautiful she is and many remarked how much Daddy is missing. No matter how hard it is for me without him. I can't imagine how hard it is for him there without her. He is missing so many moments. Hope he knows that we're missing him in our moments too. He is my plan B, my back up, my go to guy, my best friend, the puzzle piece to my jagged places and I miss him and talk to my Lil Bit about our daddy man everyday.