Day 67: Pre-Travel

Today has been relatively stress free, but this morning was a bit of a challenge. A friend of mine graciously offered to dog sit. I was excited about it because our dog is a bit of a challenge. She gets really excited about new dogs or people and makes this horrible howling noise. She doesn't do terribly well in the kennel. She gets worried when we leave her and doesn't eat. With this trip being much longer than the three or four days we are usually gone, I was glad to have someone to watch her instead of kenneling her.

At the last minute, my friend's husband surprised her with a weekend getaway. So they need to kennel the dogs for a few days. This isn't a big deal except that I hadn't worried about checking her shots since she wasn't going to a kennel. I was planning on worrying about getting the dog her shots once we got home. Last night it occurred to me to pull the shot records and look at them. Her rabies and distemper and parvo expire the day they are leaving for their mini trip. 

So this morning, I was up before the baby, rushing to get out the door and to the vet's office in time to be seen for shots. This was definitely an adventure. We were there for an hour an a half. The dog went crazy with all the puppies, cats and dogs and people. She whined and cried her crazy howling sound. The baby wanted to see all the people and dogs too. It was hard to keep up with the baby and the dog at the same time. It wasn't easy. I will have to come up with a different plan for her canine influenza booster in three weeks. The baby got off the bench and started crawling across the floor. Every few strides, she dropped all the way down into a prone position and slid across a few tiles. If there were a way to end up covered in more dog hair, I don't know what it is. So I'm trying to intervene with the baby, but mindful that all dogs and owners aren't as social as Maggie is, so I can't just let her go either. I definitely had my hands full. It will be so much more fun when we have two dogs. Ugh, I really hope that my husband is home for the next rounds of shots. 

Then I spent most of the afternoon doing a little of this and that, casually packing something I hadn't yet or picking up things around the house. One of my best tips about vacation planning is to take the week before traveling and clean house. As of 4 o'clock this afternoon, my house was company clean, maybe not mother clean, but definitely friends over clean. I washed my sheets and made my bed. I picked up, emptied the fridge, dusted, vacuumed, organized. When I come home, I won't return to a mess. I even took the trash out to the dumpster.

And when I come home, exhausted from sleeping in not my bed for two weeks, I will slide comfortably into my nice, crisp, fresh smelling sheets. It is like a little piece of chocolate I am saving for later. I know I have a clean home and comfy bed waiting for me when I get back. I can't tell you how good it feels to know that it is all done and I can really relax when I get home. I've had so many trips that I rushed around packing at the last minute and then left the house a mess. Coming home to a sloppy home is depressing. While the procrastinator in me said, "Leave it. You can do it later." I knew that later I would want to clean even less than I do now.

I wish it were earlier in the evening that I'm sitting down to end my day, but the baby took a nap late this afternoon for some reason and is wound for sound. She wouldn't go to sleep when I put her down and started screaming. I wasn't in the mood for listening to a tantrum, so I am sitting in her room, where she can see me and working on my blog. She is gradually calming down, so then I can go have a glass of wine and get to bed myself. She doesn't know that 5 a.m. is coming very early tomorrow. But having her tired will work in my favor because she may nap a bit more than usual.

I am very proud of myself. There was no panicked rushing around. My mom called to see what I was doing earlier and I was watching TV and playing games on Facebook while I ate dinner. I've been packing a little at a time for a few days and just have toiletries left for tomorrow. I can't pack them until I'm done using them. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but I left very little to do. I hope it goes as planned. I will let you know how the travel went tomorrow night. 

Day 119: So proud~!

My husband has never been a school person. He struggled in high school in most of his classes although is very intelligent. Looking back, he now can see that he probably has a learning disability. Something that would be hard to catch and easy to confuse with apathy. By the time he got to high school, he believed he was dumb and didn't put much effort into so many of his classes, except science, especially biology and zoology in which he made A's.

He also is not much of a planner. He is more a fly by the seat of his pants kinda guy which has been a growth experience for me. I struggle with spontaneity. Even as a child, I made lists. Learning to be more flexible to accommodate who he is has been challenging, but I think an important lesson for me.

However, spontaneity is not as valued when it comes to life planning. We're looking at another seven years in the military or so. Depending on where his career is and the status of world conflicts, he might stay an extra year or two to cushion his retirement, but he has seven years left until 20 years. His retirement will be some income, but not enough to replace his salary. His retirement is based on his base salary, no BAH or BAS which is about $1300 a month right now. So we're looking at less than 50% take home of what he makes right now without the fantastic medical insurance we're getting as active duty. At 40, he is going to have another 20-30 years to work before retirement.

When he got out of the service between the Marine Corps and the Army, he hated it. He had to work 80 hour weeks just to make what he'd been making in the service. And with only a high school diploma and some military experience loading helicopters, it was hard to find a job that was above a minimum entry level position. As a former Marine, he hated the loss of prestige as well as the meniality of the job.

I've been encouraging him for several years that he needs to plan a second career. But school hasn't held much appeal. Then last fall (2009), he attended the Army's Sniper school which is a rigorous and demanding course, physically and intellectually. He graduated with flying colors. He did really well even on the calculus portions of the course. I think that success helped him see that he can learn and can do really well. He would study all night for a test, call me frustrated and worried he was going to fail and end up with the highest grade or a 100%.

Yesterday, I got the craziest email from him. He has decided to pursue a degree in biology or wildlife management. WOO HOO! ! ! I am so ridiculously excited for him. I know this is going to be hard for him, for us. He is going to be trying to take classes and work full time on the Army's schedule which will be tough for us and take away from his limited hours with us, but this is definitely something he needs to do.

I am just bursting with pride for him. I think about how many people stay in a chosen career field or get defeated when life didn't turn out the way they anticipated and how few truly make the attempt to go back to school. I don't know how it will work. He's trying to figure out a school and tuition assistance versus GI Bill. I'm sure moving around and deploying will make life complicated at times to complete course work, but really, I am just proud that he is considering going back to school and is thinking about who he really wants to be after retirement. 

I hope he knows how much I believe in him. Go for it, honey!

Day 151: TMMO

The past few weeks, I've been casually reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. At least the first half of the book was pretty much not news for me. But my mom loaned it to me about a year or so ago so I decided to finally make a point to read it.

The first, pre-first really, step is to get current on all payments. We are already current. Luckily we haven't had anything major come up and are able to be current on our debts. Baby Step 1 is to save up a $1000 emergency fund so we never have to borrow money ever again. We already had a $1000 in an emergency fund. The checking account we started when we got married required a minimum balance of $1000 for some promotion they were doing and I just have always pretended it wasn't there.

Baby Step 2 is to payoff all current debts by starting with the smallest debt first and gradually adding the payments you used to make on the smaller debts to the larger debts. We've pretty much been doing that for months and I made the final move and pulled money out of our savings account to finish paying off all of our accounts. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but Ramsey makes a lot of sense when he says that paying interest on a debt costs more than you make on the money in the bank.

So, today I set things into motion. Checks will be cut/sent on Monday. By the end of next week, we should be debt free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No car payments, no credit card and we can start saving up for our Security Emergency Fund. For this Baby Step, you have to save up 3-6 months worth of expenses. Figure out what it costs for your family to live for 3-6 months and save up that amount.

This sounds like magic to most people. Follow his steps and retire as a millionaire or near it. If you start at 25, you could retire a multi-millionaire. I just don't wanna eat cat food. I gave up my guaranteed job for life and my retirement in Illinois to follow a soldier. We will most likely move one or two more times before he retires and I will have a few pesos in teacher's retirements all over the country. I really can't count on his military retirement because if he dies, I get half of his half of his base pay. That might be enough to cover health insurance, MAYBE.

But just being able to talk about finances, decisions together has made our marriage stronger. I don't know that what Ramsey says is earth shattering. My parents were fantastic stewards of their money and taught us all pretty well, but maybe you didn't have that growing up or have made some poor choices or just don't know what to do.

I am really interested in the next section, learning how to invest in our future. We need some sort of financial plan. The sooner we get started the less painful it will be. I do know that it feels good to have a plan and be doing something more specific than just thinking about it.

Day 187: I love it when a plan comes together

I used to watch the A-team each week and wait expectantly for the crazy, twisting plot to finally work out. Then Hannibal would chew on his cigar and say, "I love it when a plan comes together." Today was a day I felt like my plan came together and really worked. I kinda wish I had a crew of cohorts with whom to share this success.

I know yesterday I said I wasn't going to write about my students anymore, but today was a GOOD day. We had a shortened day before a three day weekend, which is often a recipe for disaster, so I planned a highly involved lesson in which the students were busy and engaged the entire class period. 

And it worked!!! It felt so great to finish teaching today with wrapping up what I wanted them to learn, with the students nodding and really understanding what I was trying to show them. 

We did an activity on reading without a purpose and then reading for different purposes to demonstrate the importance of understanding why we're reading what we're reading to improve comprehension and processing. I had them read a very generalized story without any clear direction. Then read the same story with two different sets of specific purposes for reading. 

The kids were on it. They were reading and discussing with their partners. They wrote a paragraph, without looking, about the article we had read and discussed yesterday, and they all remembered the article. 

I felt amazing after teaching all day, despite still being pretty ill. The best part of the lesson was the inductive reasoning. The students didn't know where we were headed with the lesson until the very end which kept them curious and interested. Every kid left my room today feeling like they learned some skills that would be useful on closed reading tests, like the state achievement tests or skills based tests or the ACT or SAT. I felt a lot of kids mentally saying "ah ha!" today. I even heard a few say they finally saw what I have been talking about for weeks. 

My job is often challenging and draining, but days like today, days the light bulbs of comprehension glow, make it all worth it. Gosh, I love it when a plan comes together. And it is nice when the kids finally realize that maybe I know what I am talking about. 

Day 231: Getting along

One of the many issues that complicate life for the military couple is how to communicate when separated. My husband and I have gotten much better at it. He has taught me to relax more. I (yes, MiL, I used to be worse) have learned to let things go. For example, someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my husband's name years ago. The creditors won't talk to me because they say my JAG created POA (power of attorney) isn't valid. In the past, I would have panicked and raced around to get this taken care of. Now, I realize that I've done what I can, if they don't want to work with me, then they can wait until he comes home. And I've learned that realistically, if worst comes to worst, they might put a negative note in his credit report, but there is a statute of limitations on how long something can be held against you, so whatever. If I find time to take care of it, great, but I refuse to stress about it or drive him crazy trying to deal from over there.

One thing we haven't mastered is how not to get so far into our own heads that we forget to bring along our partner. I have been spending this entire deployment scraping our money together so that we can be completely debt free and have a good savings account when he comes home. I have been doing this in the hopes that I can stay home with my daughter for a few years at least. Soon enough she will be in the hands of who knows whom and we will have to deal with both negative and positive learning experiences, but I really want her to love reading and learning from the beginning. I know I can provide her with that environment or at least do a better job than daycare teachers of whom some are barely out of high school and pretty uneducated. (Private RANT here - if we paid TEACHERS from 0-college what giving a child a good background is worth, we would draw and keep more people in the field) Even in our private school/daycare, signs are misspelled, rules are enforced that are not in the best interest of the children, the menu is full of white potatoes, simple carbohydrates, etc.  I just hate that I could be giving her a much more loving, educational environment here at home. Just two weeks at home and she is crawling better, pulling up to stand, kneeling, talking more and in general just making a lot of major leaps. I can see that my staying home would give her a significant advantage in the future.

My husband has been crafting a different future with different priorities. He doesn't want to be broke. If I stay home, we're going to be struggling unless I find something I can do from home, but I think living lean a few years is worth it. I thought we were on the same page until he emails me about buying a house. I got stuck in my mortgage in Illinois when we were first married. It was a constant source of worry and concern. I never knew if I was going to get a payment each month from my renter or if something would happen to the house and I would have to fix it, from several states away. I lost money on the house. I did get a tax break on my mortgage each year, but essentially I had a big headache, several second mortgages and refi's to remodel the 150 year old house and walked away pretty much even, except for the loss of the six months or so of rent my renter skipped out on and the headaches of worry over the bills. I don't want to buy again until we are sure we're settling for a long stretch.

The likelihood of us staying here permanently is slim. We are most likely going to be moving in a 1 1/2  years or so for my husband's career progression. We may come back here, but who knows. We would have to house shop and move into somewhere new only to PCS in 6-12 months? And in this market, while we could possibly afford more home than we used to for the same price and my current income would count toward purchasing, I am afraid if we move that we'd end up with two payments on one income. I was very lucky and had this job before we moved. I may not be so lucky in our next PCS. Getting stuck with two payments on one income could make us homeless very quickly.

The tax breaks for mortgages are good. Owning a home is a good investment. The sooner we start paying on a mortgage, the sooner it is paid off. Renting is temporary and your payments are just paying off someone else's investment. Chad has some good points. The hard part here is that we both do. As reasonable adults, trying to plan for a happy future together, we both have valid points of view, and both views have downsides. We're older for new parents and my taking time off of work to be Lil Bit's teacher, would cut into any retirement or college fund plans significantly. This is one of those things that it is hard not to argue about.

We used to send gigantic emails back and forth, and ended up angry, hurt, frustrated. Mostly because you can't read the tone of voice in an email and you can't explain something that might have been misinterpreted. I don't know what we will decide. I don't know how we will handle not agreeing. I do know that not being able to talk it out, discuss it in person or even by phone is really hard. It is one of the trickiest parts to being separated. We kind of have to let an issue sit for awhile, until we get a chance to discuss it over the phone. That takes a lot of maturity to have something that really matters to you and be able to set it aside.

We've managed to make it through this deployment only having one disagreement so far and it was minor a few weeks into his absence. We quickly realized we needed to find a way to talk to each other and we solved it, but nothing has really come up. I guess we'll have to wait to see what we do. As long as we act like we love each other and are a team rather than opposing entities, we should get along just fine.

Day 248: Time Management

For my loyal readers, this was a submission I made to another blog. Alas, it was not chosen to publish, but I thought I would share, just a few ways I have learned to survive after a few months of drowning. I would like to say, I have more tips but this article was limited to 500 words. One is procrastinating leads to panic and exhaustion - one of these days, I will quit doing it. Mmmm, maybe tomorrow?

Feel Like a Sinking Ship?

Some tips to keep your head above water during busy times

            One week I was home all day with my husband and baby, the next, I was back at work full time, the baby was in daycare; the next my husband deployed for a year to Iraq. Thrown into the deep end without floaties, being organized has been a struggle, but ultimately my salvation as I learn how to do it all, all by myself.

            Here are a few of the tricks that I have worked hard to master so that now I am relaxing with my daughter or hopping onto facebook instead of running ragged until I drop.

            Triage – Figure out what the priority is right now and set a mental list of upcoming tasks in order of priority.

·      Sevens and up get immediate attention. What has to be done to get out the door or to bed?

·      Is cooking yourself a fresh hot dinner important? Or are you satisfied with a quickie frozen meal? Organize your life around those things you can’t live without.

·      Learn what things you can safely leave for another day. And let yourself mentally set aside tasks for later too. Feeling relaxed and unhurried can let you live in the moment. Especially as a mother, those moments are too precious to miss in frenzied panic.

            Don’t waste movement or time – If multi-tasking is done properly, it can save time and anxiety later. I live by the motto, “Better to be a bit busy for an hour and lazy for three.” Follow along if you’re with me.

·      Never stand still. While you’re waiting for dinner to heat, can you wash a dish? Make up the baby’s bottles for the next day?

·      Combine tasks. If I’m circling the kitchen to make coffee, I can let the dog in on the way and grab her food on the way back.

·      Never have empty hands. If you’re walking into the kitchen, what near you needs to head in that direction? Getting a head start on another task means less stress later.

            Plan for the worst and plan ahead. We all hope for those dream days where everything falls into place, and then the alarm rings.

·      Have a plan B and C in mind. When everything goes kablooey, what is your go to? Know what to do, and the explosion will wreak less havoc.

·      If you can plan and do for the week, do it. Sunday, while making eggs for the week’s breakfasts, I pack my lunches. While folding my daughter’s laundry, I lay out her outfits for the week.

           

            Finally, be flexible and logical. I was preparing dinner for my daughter, getting ahead of the curve, while she was still content in her car seat; and decided, what the heck, feed her there rather than move to the high chair. Nobody died, she ate her dinner and we had a great time doing something different.

- I hope you enjoyed the article. Being organized is an all the time thing if it is truly going to save you time, but once you get a system in place, you will find that staying organized only takes a few seconds which can add up to lazy hours later. Especially in these last few days before Christmas, try to do one more thing than you have to each day so that you have one less the next. I waited until the last minute to wrap presents and spent two whole nights swamped. Don't do that. Wrap them as you buy them or do four or five a night until the main event. I am proud of myself, I did already stuff stockings so that I won't have to do that when I am racing home to company on the 26th. 

350: Got my back

Today I woke up, dragging a little bit after yesterday's rain soaked adventures and with a sore throat that keeps getting worse, to the news that school was going to start late. I crawled back into bed, snuggling with my little bug for awhile, only to get a phone call that daycare was closed. The power was out and they weren't going to open today. Panicked, I called my babysitter; she has to work today. Then I tried my friend Christen who had a group coming in at work and had to be there. Finally it occurred to me that my friend Stephanie's husband, Taylor is between army and FBI right now. Luckily, he graciously gave up his day to sit with Lil Bit and sent me a picture so I know she is ok.

But it just serves to remind me of two things: 1) How challenging it can be living so far away from family, who can often help in emergencies, and 2) how important it is to make friends wherever you go.

During emergencies, or the day to day grind, especially during Chad's deployments, my friends have been invaluable. I am a fiercely independent person. My mother would tell you I was born saying, "I want to do it myself." When I had to have my hysterectomy, my mom bribed some friends to come mow my lawn, because she was afraid I would do it myself. Sometimes, I just can't do it all; however, getting me to admit it and ask for help is really hard. This week has really taught me to learn to rely on others and accept their kindnesses.

I feel like a bad friend for asking for help. I think as adults, we are taught to be problem solvers rather than complainers. Especially in the military lifestyle, we are bombarded with the mindset that obstacles are made to be overcome, not succumbed to. Adapt and overcome is the motto! Chad accepts no excuses from his soldiers. While he tries to be compassionate, the task was either accomplished or it wasn't. Poor planning doesn't excuse failure and failure is due to poor planning. If you had planned better, you would have been able to foresee and plan contingencies for anything.

Because of my independent nature, I think I tend to overplan so that I never have a crisis or have at least two back-up plans at all times. Having a daughter and being on my own this year is going to be a test of my character. Can I ask for help? Can I relax and understand that not everything is controllable; sometimes stuff happens? Can I let the people who care about me, help? I am working on it, but feel very lucky that I have friends who "got my back" when the hurdles rise and my contigency plans didn't include floods.

351

Well the lawn was looking kinda dry and dead and I just don't have a ton of time to run out and set up sprinklers and water it. Thank you God for the rain! I will try to remember how grateful I am tonight when I am trying to run errands in it.


In the flash flood worthy downpour, I park too close to the curb to get the stroller next to the car and can't figure out a better way to get Lil Bit into the doctor's office without becoming drenched. So I am balancing my purse, diaper bag, umbrella, shot records, blanket and car seat while stepping in muddy grass puddles and steering my very large stroller poorly. And this was only the first errand. Then we had to run into Walgreen's to pick up the photos for her birth mother's package this month and into UPS to mail it. I didn't do it, but I wished that I had someone with me to sit in the car with her. But no, I dragged her in and out, in and out and then into the grocery store. My left arm is getting very strong.

The lawn needed watering, the pool needed filling. I guess other than getting a bit wet myself, today was a good day. It is just inconvenient with a baby. Everything takes twice as much planning and coordination. For someone who already over plans everything, trying to stave off chaos, this may not bring out the best side of my personality.

I can see myself becoming totally OCD; however, I am often too tired to be too obsessive compulsive. It is all about balance, so I think about being neurotically organized, while I try to decide if the crumbs on the counter are going to attract ants. By the time I decide the crumbs are gross, I have three other things to do in the kitchen and can totally multi-task my neuroses! Everything has an upside.

Still sick and so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open so I am going to cut this short. Just another day in the life. I did see that someone in Kuwait was reading my blog - so Hi Honey!! Stay safe and we love you!