Yesterday was his first full day home and it was very busy and crazy. Blogging got away from me. We planned a party for the evening, but it was too much. We didn't really have a good plan and no one really came and we partied pretty good the first night right after he got off the plane. The party was just a lot of stress and pressure on both of us and on everyone else.
I had the breeder/trainer of his duck dog bring his puppy down in the middle of the day. I surprised him with his puppy being here and he spent an hour working with his new dog. Then we spent a couple hours grocery shopping. By the time we got home, got stuff put up and cooking, it was 4:30, then Chad got a massage from his sister.
People were supposed to start being here at 6. No one came, I'm not sure why. His soldier friends had family and friends they wanted to be with and it was hard to coordinate with people whose cell phones had been off for military suspensions. My friends had prior commitments. It was hard to plan a party and change the date three times. I got really frustrated and stressed. I don't know what was happening inside, but I felt really tense and crazy and upset. Maybe I was just finally coming down off the year of being upset and tense all the time. I still think I am having a hard time processing and dealing with the flood of emotions that come now that he is home.
I just felt wound up and rushed. I have been doing what I need to do when I feel like doing it all summer, but even more so in the past few months. I haven't had to process anyone else's feelings or balance anyone else's needs for so long. It is really hard to go from being completely independent to being considerate of an entire houseful of family. Plus I just want to sit and be with my husband and he feels pulled in a million different directions. I felt pulled in a million directions. I was trying to keep an eye on the baby, the puppy, the boys, plan food, pick up the house. I just started getting really upset.
I was doing the best I could not to let it boil over, but at some point I really needed to just cry. I needed to take a break. My husband has a hard time processing, changing over to being home, and letting down his guard. Instead of being close to me, he pulls away, and just does all sorts of stuff that keeps his hands and mind occupied before he can slow down and really be home with me.
It was not the easiest day. Today was better, but a lot of people trying to adjust and deal all at once is still pretty stressful. We took our time today, looked at pictures from Iraq and didn't do much. We ran some errands and then went out for dinner.
I'm really glad to have him home, but after months of fearful waiting, now the real work begins. We have to remember how to talk to each other, how to deal when things don't go the way we wanted them to be, and how to resolve issues without conflict. It will take us a few weeks of going through some tough spots here and there before we find that rhythm again.
The hardest part is letting each other be heard and validated without getting defensive. We're both trying so hard, but that doesn't make it perfect even though we both want it to be. We have to work at being kind and being patient. We've both been through a lot separately. Sharing those experiences and finding common ground again takes some real work. The couples who think reintegration is going to be a piece of cake and don't mentally prepare for the arguments and disappointments, are the ones who may not make it.
I had the breeder/trainer of his duck dog bring his puppy down in the middle of the day. I surprised him with his puppy being here and he spent an hour working with his new dog. Then we spent a couple hours grocery shopping. By the time we got home, got stuff put up and cooking, it was 4:30, then Chad got a massage from his sister.
People were supposed to start being here at 6. No one came, I'm not sure why. His soldier friends had family and friends they wanted to be with and it was hard to coordinate with people whose cell phones had been off for military suspensions. My friends had prior commitments. It was hard to plan a party and change the date three times. I got really frustrated and stressed. I don't know what was happening inside, but I felt really tense and crazy and upset. Maybe I was just finally coming down off the year of being upset and tense all the time. I still think I am having a hard time processing and dealing with the flood of emotions that come now that he is home.
I just felt wound up and rushed. I have been doing what I need to do when I feel like doing it all summer, but even more so in the past few months. I haven't had to process anyone else's feelings or balance anyone else's needs for so long. It is really hard to go from being completely independent to being considerate of an entire houseful of family. Plus I just want to sit and be with my husband and he feels pulled in a million different directions. I felt pulled in a million directions. I was trying to keep an eye on the baby, the puppy, the boys, plan food, pick up the house. I just started getting really upset.
I was doing the best I could not to let it boil over, but at some point I really needed to just cry. I needed to take a break. My husband has a hard time processing, changing over to being home, and letting down his guard. Instead of being close to me, he pulls away, and just does all sorts of stuff that keeps his hands and mind occupied before he can slow down and really be home with me.
It was not the easiest day. Today was better, but a lot of people trying to adjust and deal all at once is still pretty stressful. We took our time today, looked at pictures from Iraq and didn't do much. We ran some errands and then went out for dinner.
I'm really glad to have him home, but after months of fearful waiting, now the real work begins. We have to remember how to talk to each other, how to deal when things don't go the way we wanted them to be, and how to resolve issues without conflict. It will take us a few weeks of going through some tough spots here and there before we find that rhythm again.
The hardest part is letting each other be heard and validated without getting defensive. We're both trying so hard, but that doesn't make it perfect even though we both want it to be. We have to work at being kind and being patient. We've both been through a lot separately. Sharing those experiences and finding common ground again takes some real work. The couples who think reintegration is going to be a piece of cake and don't mentally prepare for the arguments and disappointments, are the ones who may not make it.
That is one of the things I am afraid of. We are a bit over a month into this deployment and I'm already getting used to the idea of being independent. Although I would LOVE to have him home now Homecoming Day seems like a dream. It's a really strange feeling. Although I know everyone will want to see him I think I am going to wait to throw any kind of party. I want him to relax and both of us get used to the idea of being together again. I hope things get better for you and your husband. I am very excited for you even though I may not know you. I sure do like your blog though.
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