Well, the day I've been worried about, anticipating, dreading or just planning is here. I'm 40.
Phew, had to leave some room for thought after that declaration. Yuck. I'm old. I know 70 is still pretty young really in our day and age, but my body is definitely letting me know that I'm not 20. In my head, I still feel somewhere between 28-33, until I look at someone 25 and think, "Was I that stupid when I was . . ." Those thoughts tend to put things in perspective.
My knees ache, my hips have bursitis! and I have varicose veins in my legs. I will (without hypno-therapy) never have a beach body ever again, unless you count a whale as being beach ready. I am just not the same person I was when I turned 30.
I think I dreaded 30 more because that was really a line between childhood and adulthood, being part of the youth versus the untrusted OLD Farts. In some ways 40 might be freeing. I know I'm not hip with the high school crowd and can feel free let them know that they need to get hip with me cuz I don't care if they think I'm cool.
I don't know how really to feel about it. We all want to stay looking young, but enjoy the wisdom experience and age brings. Would I want to be 25 again? Only if I could do it knowing what I know at 40! I really just wanna have the body of a 25 year old, not actually have to go back and redo anything.
Today wasn't the best birthday. I woke up to disappointment. My email held a heartbreaking update on my honey's status. He was supposed to be in my arms in 7 minutes. But the email said his flight had been significantly delayed. I was so disappointed. I spent the day trying to put on a brave face.
I took the boys to a local touch a truck event (with baby and gp's in tow). We went to TCBY Waffle Cone Wednesday for lunch. My mother-in-law and I had pedicures scheduled for after lunch, then we ran errands, and went to buy my birthday present. I really wanted to upgrade my cell phone to a new iPhone. It was pricier than I thought when I went to check them out a few weeks ago.
Then she and I went out for drinks and appetizers. I had a big drink called a painkiller. Carrying around a slightly bruised, if not broken heart, I needed a painkiller. They wrote on the menu that each patron was limited to two per visit. I had one and a few sips of another and knew why. I finished the rest, but certainly understood why two was plenty.
I spent the rest of the night fiddlin' with the new phone. We watched "Soul Surfer" which does tend to put my issues in perspective. My husband is alive. He is coming home. My family is all currently healthy. I have beautiful children and an amazing husband/best friend.
I realize that I've learned a lot in these past 40 years. I've grown up and learned who I am. And I've started to realize that I don't have the time or energy to care if people like me. I would rather spend my time with people who like me than trying to persuade people who don't, and I definitely don't want to waste a minute more of my life being around people who hurt my feelings or make me feel like I'm less somehow than they are.
I might be crankier, more impatient, achier, and much more set in my ways, but I'm also much calmer, more focused, able to prioritize, and more content with myself. 40 isn't the same as 21, full of hope and promise, but it is full of confidence, competence and contentedness. My birthday wasn't the celebration I wanted, but maybe I realized that the date on the calendar doesn't matter any more than the number on the driver's license. I can celebrate again when he gets here and again when our friends come and this can be a week long party, and I don't have to be old just because I'm not young. Maybe that is why they call it middle age, you're too old to be young, but too young to be old.
When I turned 30, I thought it was going to be hard, but I loved my 30's. I've heard the 40's are even better. You're old enough to care about the right things, and too young to worry about a lot of other things. And I have no idea how much time I have left, I'd rather not spend much of it worrying at all. I'd hate to get hit by a bus and have wasted so much time I could have been living worrying about what people thought or if people liked me. Maybe 40 is the decade where you learn to care enough about the opinions of others not to be socially unacceptable, but not enough to keep allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
Phew, had to leave some room for thought after that declaration. Yuck. I'm old. I know 70 is still pretty young really in our day and age, but my body is definitely letting me know that I'm not 20. In my head, I still feel somewhere between 28-33, until I look at someone 25 and think, "Was I that stupid when I was . . ." Those thoughts tend to put things in perspective.
My knees ache, my hips have bursitis! and I have varicose veins in my legs. I will (without hypno-therapy) never have a beach body ever again, unless you count a whale as being beach ready. I am just not the same person I was when I turned 30.
I think I dreaded 30 more because that was really a line between childhood and adulthood, being part of the youth versus the untrusted OLD Farts. In some ways 40 might be freeing. I know I'm not hip with the high school crowd and can feel free let them know that they need to get hip with me cuz I don't care if they think I'm cool.
I don't know how really to feel about it. We all want to stay looking young, but enjoy the wisdom experience and age brings. Would I want to be 25 again? Only if I could do it knowing what I know at 40! I really just wanna have the body of a 25 year old, not actually have to go back and redo anything.
Today wasn't the best birthday. I woke up to disappointment. My email held a heartbreaking update on my honey's status. He was supposed to be in my arms in 7 minutes. But the email said his flight had been significantly delayed. I was so disappointed. I spent the day trying to put on a brave face.
I took the boys to a local touch a truck event (with baby and gp's in tow). We went to TCBY Waffle Cone Wednesday for lunch. My mother-in-law and I had pedicures scheduled for after lunch, then we ran errands, and went to buy my birthday present. I really wanted to upgrade my cell phone to a new iPhone. It was pricier than I thought when I went to check them out a few weeks ago.
Then she and I went out for drinks and appetizers. I had a big drink called a painkiller. Carrying around a slightly bruised, if not broken heart, I needed a painkiller. They wrote on the menu that each patron was limited to two per visit. I had one and a few sips of another and knew why. I finished the rest, but certainly understood why two was plenty.
I spent the rest of the night fiddlin' with the new phone. We watched "Soul Surfer" which does tend to put my issues in perspective. My husband is alive. He is coming home. My family is all currently healthy. I have beautiful children and an amazing husband/best friend.
I realize that I've learned a lot in these past 40 years. I've grown up and learned who I am. And I've started to realize that I don't have the time or energy to care if people like me. I would rather spend my time with people who like me than trying to persuade people who don't, and I definitely don't want to waste a minute more of my life being around people who hurt my feelings or make me feel like I'm less somehow than they are.
I might be crankier, more impatient, achier, and much more set in my ways, but I'm also much calmer, more focused, able to prioritize, and more content with myself. 40 isn't the same as 21, full of hope and promise, but it is full of confidence, competence and contentedness. My birthday wasn't the celebration I wanted, but maybe I realized that the date on the calendar doesn't matter any more than the number on the driver's license. I can celebrate again when he gets here and again when our friends come and this can be a week long party, and I don't have to be old just because I'm not young. Maybe that is why they call it middle age, you're too old to be young, but too young to be old.
When I turned 30, I thought it was going to be hard, but I loved my 30's. I've heard the 40's are even better. You're old enough to care about the right things, and too young to worry about a lot of other things. And I have no idea how much time I have left, I'd rather not spend much of it worrying at all. I'd hate to get hit by a bus and have wasted so much time I could have been living worrying about what people thought or if people liked me. Maybe 40 is the decade where you learn to care enough about the opinions of others not to be socially unacceptable, but not enough to keep allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
Soul Surfer is why I finally joined a gym last week! Such an inspirational story. I hope you enjoy your 40s more than your 30s,and that the hubby comes home safe and soon!
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