Thursday, February 24, 2011

Day 181: Halfway home

I've been waiting for this day for a long time. Today is officially six months since he left. Although his orders are counted in days, so technically in days, the halfway point was a day and a half ago. I prefer to count in months until we're under thirty.

We survived the first half of a year deployment and haven't even had R&R yet! It will be closer to seven months before R&R is over, so we will only have around five left when he returns to Iraq after his all too short leave.

Having the baby has made the time fly by. I am so busy most of the time that the day is over before I even was sure which day it was. All day yesterday I thought it was Tuesday, and I had a hard time remembering my doctor's appointment was today because the week seemed to be over so quickly.

But having the baby has also changed the way this deployment feels. My whole world has become all about her. I have been able to focus a lot of my heart and love onto her instead of feeling the void my husband's absence leaves in my home and life. Because of my altered focus, I feel like he has been gone for so much longer than six months. It is hard to picture him standing in the kitchen or sitting on the couch. The little tangible moments of the everyday have faded.

It does make missing him easier, but then comes R&R and all the wonderful things I started to forget I missed, the way he talks in his sleep or smiles so easily, the way he exudes joy when he cooks or tells a story making me cry with laughter, the way his hand feels when I hold it or he touches my cheek. All those memories become real again and I get lost a little bit all over again.

Knowing we're halfway through, on the downside, should make this second half easier, but really it starts to drag as we get closer to the end, just like the school year does in May. But today, I am celebrating, we're halfway home, HE is halfway home and every step closer to coming home makes me a happy camper. 

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