I don't know if you remember a TV show called Quantum Leap, but it was one of my favorites. The main character Sam time travels within his lifetime but into different bodies. He travels to each time to right something that went wrong in history. One of the episodes has been niggling at the back of my mind for a few days. It is called "The Leap Home."
In this episode, Sam travels back into his sixteen year-old self. He finally has a chance to right some wrongs in his own life. He wants to save his father from dying from smoking and his sister from eventually running off and eloping with an alcoholic, abusive man, but the serious wrong that he truly wants to correct is that his older brother was killed in Vietnam.
Near the end of the episode, he realizes that he can't change his own fate, but talks his brother into making a bet that if he wins the basketball game, on a certain date, he will crawl into the deepest, darkest fox hole in Vietnam and stay there until the day is over. Sam does make the shot and makes his brother swear.
The next part of the episode is Sam jumping into one of his brother's soldier's bodies in Vietnam. His brother is talking about the deal he made with his kid brother back home, but when they get called to go on a mission, his brother's sense of duty refuses to allow him to beg off the mission in which he will be killed.
While on the TV show, Sam is eventually able to save his brother, the reason this show has been haunting me is the promise. Just this last week, Chad's regiment has lost four soldiers. It is getting worse and worse. As they get to be short timers, sometimes, it feels like we're tempting fate. I get more nervous that fate will play an awful, cruel trick and take him weeks before he is supposed to come home.
He says the days are long and longer. He is tired and struggling. He goes to bed (when he gets to go to bed) each night praying tomorrow will be easier, and it never is. He is counting the days more than I am.
I keep wanting to tell him to find the deepest, darkest fox hole and climb in. Don't come out until it is time to come home. Even as I write it, I know he wouldn't. Oh, I am sure he has moments in which he is scared, but his sense of duty and loyalty to his troops would keep him going on the mission, especially if he knew the safety of his men was in question.
I love his sense of duty and honor. I love his bravery, but there are times I wish that I could persuade him to just hide! I can't imagine losing him. Night after night these past few weeks, I've dreamt about losing him to death or divorce, etc. My mind is playing into my fears and every morning, I wait until I hear from him.
I know he has a job. The most important job. He hates the things that take him away and some of the things he has to do, but he loves serving his country. I asked him before we married if he could do anything else and be fulfilled. I asked him if he could serve his time and get out. I would wait, provide him a home while he went to school and found a new job, but he couldn't do it. I knew that he didn't choose the army before me, but that he couldn't be happy if I asked him to be anyone other than himself.
I knew, but didn't know the life I had chosen would have such hard moments. I didn't know how much seeing his face in a picture would mean to me eleven months into a deployment. I didn't know how much, as I hear more and more women are getting the news that their soldiers aren't coming home, how it would break my heart for them and terrify me. So, Dear, if you are reading this, if the time comes where you are in danger and can do so without taking another soldier away from his family, please DUCK and crawl into the deepest, darkest hole until you can come home and my heart will be whole again.
In this episode, Sam travels back into his sixteen year-old self. He finally has a chance to right some wrongs in his own life. He wants to save his father from dying from smoking and his sister from eventually running off and eloping with an alcoholic, abusive man, but the serious wrong that he truly wants to correct is that his older brother was killed in Vietnam.
Near the end of the episode, he realizes that he can't change his own fate, but talks his brother into making a bet that if he wins the basketball game, on a certain date, he will crawl into the deepest, darkest fox hole in Vietnam and stay there until the day is over. Sam does make the shot and makes his brother swear.
The next part of the episode is Sam jumping into one of his brother's soldier's bodies in Vietnam. His brother is talking about the deal he made with his kid brother back home, but when they get called to go on a mission, his brother's sense of duty refuses to allow him to beg off the mission in which he will be killed.
While on the TV show, Sam is eventually able to save his brother, the reason this show has been haunting me is the promise. Just this last week, Chad's regiment has lost four soldiers. It is getting worse and worse. As they get to be short timers, sometimes, it feels like we're tempting fate. I get more nervous that fate will play an awful, cruel trick and take him weeks before he is supposed to come home.
He says the days are long and longer. He is tired and struggling. He goes to bed (when he gets to go to bed) each night praying tomorrow will be easier, and it never is. He is counting the days more than I am.
I keep wanting to tell him to find the deepest, darkest fox hole and climb in. Don't come out until it is time to come home. Even as I write it, I know he wouldn't. Oh, I am sure he has moments in which he is scared, but his sense of duty and loyalty to his troops would keep him going on the mission, especially if he knew the safety of his men was in question.
I love his sense of duty and honor. I love his bravery, but there are times I wish that I could persuade him to just hide! I can't imagine losing him. Night after night these past few weeks, I've dreamt about losing him to death or divorce, etc. My mind is playing into my fears and every morning, I wait until I hear from him.
I know he has a job. The most important job. He hates the things that take him away and some of the things he has to do, but he loves serving his country. I asked him before we married if he could do anything else and be fulfilled. I asked him if he could serve his time and get out. I would wait, provide him a home while he went to school and found a new job, but he couldn't do it. I knew that he didn't choose the army before me, but that he couldn't be happy if I asked him to be anyone other than himself.
I knew, but didn't know the life I had chosen would have such hard moments. I didn't know how much seeing his face in a picture would mean to me eleven months into a deployment. I didn't know how much, as I hear more and more women are getting the news that their soldiers aren't coming home, how it would break my heart for them and terrify me. So, Dear, if you are reading this, if the time comes where you are in danger and can do so without taking another soldier away from his family, please DUCK and crawl into the deepest, darkest hole until you can come home and my heart will be whole again.
No comments:
Post a Comment