So as we're "finishing" the mission in Iraq, and there is talk of troop withdrawal in Afghanistan, another Middle Eastern conflict rears its ugly head. I didn't catch all of the President's speech, but I am concerned that despite his intentions to keep U.S. ground troops out of Libya, that the conflict is going to become unavoidable.
Just as I started to see the light at the end of the deployment tunnel, some other ugly situation pops up requiring our assistance. I do not begrudge any other nation or people the freedom's we have the luxury of taking for granted. All people deserve the chance to live freely and happily with basic human rights protecting them against tyranny and abuse.
But we can't be the world's police alone. Our soldiers are away from their families every other year or every six months depending on their MOS and deployment cycle. Earlier generations had wars. World War I, II, Korea, Vietnam, and I won't pretend to understand what the military and their families experienced. I am not the best war historian, but most soldiers' tours were limited and the number of tours was significantly less than current soldiers are experiencing.
We, soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, and families, knew the military life. We all signed up for it in one way or another. That doesn't make the daily details any easier or the countless years apart. I CAN survive deployments, I can, but should I? Younger, weaker, newer, less independent, different couples are struggling HARD with the multiple deployments. My husband and I are struggling with the separation, the damage what he sees does to him, the damage being away over and over does to him. We are making it, we are surviving. But it isn't easy.
The newspapers, evening reports are full of soldiers committing suicide and our military wonders why? They have no hope to come home and stay there. Many soldiers deployed right now are already being told they will be home gearing up for the next trip, they never get to turn off the combat mindset. They feel if this is life, with the violence or maybe the destruction of a marriage or financial ruin or drinking or drugs or just constant war, why keep living.
Spouses go bed shopping, like we did last week, and the salesperson asks, "how does your spouse sleep?" and they don't know. They aren't together enough or haven't slept together in so long that they can't remember. My husband has spent this decade of military service away from his family for about half the time between trainings, schools, etc. 5 years gone.
All the time, people say, "You knew what you were getting into," but that is BS. Never in modern times has there been a military situation like this one, where we are constantly at war for a decade and seemingly adding new fronts. No other group of men or military have been asked to do this. They have fought harder more traumatic or deadly battles; they have been gone for years without a letter much less a visit; they have seen violence and fear like most of us can't imagine, but NONE have been asked to do this. GO and GO and be ON and ON and then come home and leave, asking spouses to step up, step back, be in control but not controlling.
None have been asked to keep marriages alive despite ripping them apart over and over. One source, Belleruth Naparstek from Health Journeys (author and psychotherapist) claims 95% of people in combat, experience some symptoms of PTSD, so soldiers who face repeated conflicts are repeatedly exposed to nearly guaranteed symptoms of PTSD which sometimes resolves itself and sometimes leaves lingering scars. Many soldiers suppress the pain and anguish normal for the experiences they've had because there isn't room for it in their Bradleys or Humvees. By the time they get home and come "down" enough to start to feel again and might have a chance to deal with their emotions, they are already preparing for the next deployment.
We can't invade Libya. We can't send the same guys away over and over and over and over and over and over. We can't ask people to do this unless we expect suicide, divorce, domestic violence, child abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism and rape to increase. People have limits. Some people may be more programmed to do this than others. My husband is one of those people, but he is not a machine. Maybe he isn't even as impervious as he would like me to believe.
I've seen the chink in his armor, not a weakness just his humanity, and if he has a chink in his, much of the rest of the army is in deep yogurt as my dad used to say. Our world is in danger, our country is in danger. We need more help than any human force can achieve. We can't fix the things that are broken in this world by stomping on them like a spark from a campfire and sending our people away from home and into combat repeatedly.
I don't know what the answer is. But I damn well know what it isn't. This HAS to stop. I hope NATO steps up. I hope someone finds a way to solve Libya without further military commitment from the U.S., but I ain't holding my breath. I do know that we can talk all day about working for military families and wives and safe guarding the mental health of our soldiers, but it is worthless crap until we do what needs to be done.
Let soldiers seek help without repercussions to their careers. If a career soldier needs help, he shouldn't lose his job, health benefits and retirement by admitting weakness. Which is what happens! The army spouts good messages, but once you admit you need help you are quietly pushed out, marked for less stressful duties, that designation takes you out of any career progression which mean you will be separated from the military before you finish your 20 depending on how many years in grade and in service you have at that time. Even failing to continue to progress takes future food out of the mouths of your family because your retirement is based on your pay and rank at the time of retirement.
We have to realize there is no way to protect people from WAR. It is messy, violent and takes its sacrifice whether we offer it up or not. There will always be an Egypt or Libya or Kuwait or Iraq or Afghanistan or Pakistan or . . . . . .
do we always have to be the ones leading the charge? going at all? sending the same troops over and over?
Every person around the world deserves human rights, but until every country around the world believes that and is willing to fight for that truth, something has got to give and it shouldn't be our military men and women anymore for a long time. We need a little piece of peace, please!
Just as I started to see the light at the end of the deployment tunnel, some other ugly situation pops up requiring our assistance. I do not begrudge any other nation or people the freedom's we have the luxury of taking for granted. All people deserve the chance to live freely and happily with basic human rights protecting them against tyranny and abuse.
But we can't be the world's police alone. Our soldiers are away from their families every other year or every six months depending on their MOS and deployment cycle. Earlier generations had wars. World War I, II, Korea, Vietnam, and I won't pretend to understand what the military and their families experienced. I am not the best war historian, but most soldiers' tours were limited and the number of tours was significantly less than current soldiers are experiencing.
We, soldiers, marines, sailors, airmen, and families, knew the military life. We all signed up for it in one way or another. That doesn't make the daily details any easier or the countless years apart. I CAN survive deployments, I can, but should I? Younger, weaker, newer, less independent, different couples are struggling HARD with the multiple deployments. My husband and I are struggling with the separation, the damage what he sees does to him, the damage being away over and over does to him. We are making it, we are surviving. But it isn't easy.
The newspapers, evening reports are full of soldiers committing suicide and our military wonders why? They have no hope to come home and stay there. Many soldiers deployed right now are already being told they will be home gearing up for the next trip, they never get to turn off the combat mindset. They feel if this is life, with the violence or maybe the destruction of a marriage or financial ruin or drinking or drugs or just constant war, why keep living.
Spouses go bed shopping, like we did last week, and the salesperson asks, "how does your spouse sleep?" and they don't know. They aren't together enough or haven't slept together in so long that they can't remember. My husband has spent this decade of military service away from his family for about half the time between trainings, schools, etc. 5 years gone.
All the time, people say, "You knew what you were getting into," but that is BS. Never in modern times has there been a military situation like this one, where we are constantly at war for a decade and seemingly adding new fronts. No other group of men or military have been asked to do this. They have fought harder more traumatic or deadly battles; they have been gone for years without a letter much less a visit; they have seen violence and fear like most of us can't imagine, but NONE have been asked to do this. GO and GO and be ON and ON and then come home and leave, asking spouses to step up, step back, be in control but not controlling.
None have been asked to keep marriages alive despite ripping them apart over and over. One source, Belleruth Naparstek from Health Journeys (author and psychotherapist) claims 95% of people in combat, experience some symptoms of PTSD, so soldiers who face repeated conflicts are repeatedly exposed to nearly guaranteed symptoms of PTSD which sometimes resolves itself and sometimes leaves lingering scars. Many soldiers suppress the pain and anguish normal for the experiences they've had because there isn't room for it in their Bradleys or Humvees. By the time they get home and come "down" enough to start to feel again and might have a chance to deal with their emotions, they are already preparing for the next deployment.
We can't invade Libya. We can't send the same guys away over and over and over and over and over and over. We can't ask people to do this unless we expect suicide, divorce, domestic violence, child abuse, drug abuse, alcoholism and rape to increase. People have limits. Some people may be more programmed to do this than others. My husband is one of those people, but he is not a machine. Maybe he isn't even as impervious as he would like me to believe.
I've seen the chink in his armor, not a weakness just his humanity, and if he has a chink in his, much of the rest of the army is in deep yogurt as my dad used to say. Our world is in danger, our country is in danger. We need more help than any human force can achieve. We can't fix the things that are broken in this world by stomping on them like a spark from a campfire and sending our people away from home and into combat repeatedly.
I don't know what the answer is. But I damn well know what it isn't. This HAS to stop. I hope NATO steps up. I hope someone finds a way to solve Libya without further military commitment from the U.S., but I ain't holding my breath. I do know that we can talk all day about working for military families and wives and safe guarding the mental health of our soldiers, but it is worthless crap until we do what needs to be done.
Let soldiers seek help without repercussions to their careers. If a career soldier needs help, he shouldn't lose his job, health benefits and retirement by admitting weakness. Which is what happens! The army spouts good messages, but once you admit you need help you are quietly pushed out, marked for less stressful duties, that designation takes you out of any career progression which mean you will be separated from the military before you finish your 20 depending on how many years in grade and in service you have at that time. Even failing to continue to progress takes future food out of the mouths of your family because your retirement is based on your pay and rank at the time of retirement.
We have to realize there is no way to protect people from WAR. It is messy, violent and takes its sacrifice whether we offer it up or not. There will always be an Egypt or Libya or Kuwait or Iraq or Afghanistan or Pakistan or . . . . . .
do we always have to be the ones leading the charge? going at all? sending the same troops over and over?
Every person around the world deserves human rights, but until every country around the world believes that and is willing to fight for that truth, something has got to give and it shouldn't be our military men and women anymore for a long time. We need a little piece of peace, please!
I agree - really good post.I can speak for me as a military wife going on deployment number 4- I am exhausted. Weary with huge circle under my eyes. My husband does his job & does it well- but it is someone else's turn to go. I hope we are lucky enough to sit this round out- but I to doubt it will happen.
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