There are some very unique challenges to being a military dependent; some seasons are full of growth, some of pruning. Joys and sorrows often intertwine. I have been married to my soldier for 4 years; in that time we have been together for about 2 of them, thanks to trainings, a tour in Korea, and 9 months in Afghanistan.
We are currently in a season of joyful blessing. We expect Jonathan Joshua to be delivered to us between 3-6 weeks. It may seem like a long variance, but FedEx can’t do any better and they are professionals. At least FedEx guarantees arrival before 10:00 am.
Last night I saw about half of a show called “Coming Home”, where we see reunions between soldiers and family members that have been orchestrated by a team to be unforgettable for the children. The first story I saw was that of a high school senior, a football superstar who was about to sign on for a full ride to the college of his choice. His father, the fan always yelling, “That’s my boy!” has been deployed to Afghanistan for the year. As Jeremiah sat and the end of the long signing table, he proudly signed on with the US Naval Academy. A powerful, “That’s my boy!” rang out, and two men embraced and cried in a way that radiated maturity and honor.
The words that caught my attention before the big reveal were, “JJ has no idea that his father will be returning from Afghanistan for his big signing day.”
My husband has been told he will be sent home for the birth of our son, but it will be at the 39/40 week mark. I have no details or assurance other than that. I have prepared for all scenarios to the best of my ability, but the potential for Josh’s absence has been something I have kept mostly confined to my mind. Last night it hit my heart in full force. This is an event that I can’t bear for my beloved to miss for his sake, as much as for mine. I know I have the strength and fortitude for this task if need be, but it would break my husband’s heart to miss the event he has dreamed of for years.
For the sake of time and concern over his bringing home onto the battlefield, our conversations about emotions tied to the event have been somewhat rare. I send pictures of my ever-expanding waistline and tell him of what our son did that day or how he is getting ready, but I am not sure what is going on in the head and heart of my soldier. (Every military wife must understands that!) today I have a new rawness of heart. Just as the mission and the events of life must be battled through on the battlefield, it eventually catches up. Last night I began the process of realizing all I have not allowed my heart to prepare for as I have waited for my soldier to be a part, not knowing if it is possible. Hope is a powerful thing.
It is the deep desire of my heart that I see the man I love walk toward me in uniform and embrace my engorged belly. A few days of time just with him before our lives change forever is almost too much to hope for.
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My tears are for how she struggles alone with the fears of losing her husband plus his missing out on those moments she has dreamt of sharing with the man of her dreams. God bless you, honey. Again - I know!!!!!
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