Day 283: 10 and 20

This weekend I watched an ABC News Report on their show "What Would You Do?" about abusive relationships. They mentioned that the very first experiment for the show was an adult couple in an obviously physical argument. Only 10% of passersby stopped and offered any form of assistance to the abused woman.

Now, several years later, they did the same experiment with teens. A young man screamed at a young girl, calling her a "whore"along with various other derogatory terms. He grabbed her arms, got in her face, pushed her down onto a bench. Only 20% of passersby stopped to offer assistance.

According to their statistics, 1in 3 girls today will be affected by an abusive relationship or encounter. If that figure doesn't scare you, it should. It scares me. To me it warns me of a future where my daughter will potentially be victimized and reminds me of a past when I was. It also stood out to me because of the student whom was murdered a few weeks ago by her abusive boyfriend.

Why is this number so high? Girls today are bombarded with images on TV and other visual media portraying the current ideal of physical perfection, flawlessly airbrushed and pedestal perfect. I would suspect that many of them look to those images and see themselves as falling very short. I know I do. I can't ever live up to those standards. Even when I was younger, I had too many flaws to ever be considered cover girl material. Somehow these visions make girls feel less valuable or important if they don't meet the standards of a very narrow industry. I don't have a degree in sociology but our society puts a lot of emphasis on having a romantic partner and being "happy". Maybe girls are willing to be with or stay with someone mean or violent rather than be alone. "As long as he loves me, I can't be a complete failure" mentality.

And they generally don't start off abusive. By the time you realize he's abusing you, he's sucked you so far into his twisted world that it is nearly impossible to get out. We all know that most women stay. Very few have the courage to stand up under the abuse and even fewer to leave. Adult women with degrees and brains and successful careers can't stand up and leave most of the time. Of course teenagers who can't see past the next five minutes, who feel more pressure to conform than anyone, would have even more difficulty leaving. They are inundated with messages that they have no worth as human beings unless they look and act a certain way. Abusive men know how to manipulate and charm. They hit and caress with equal skill. It is a quicksand trap to almost everyone. Teen girls with barely formed identity are going to be more vulnerable.

So then why is the number of people who will get involved so low? Why in an age where we know what abuse looks like, we have laws against it in many forms, we have TV movies about its dangers and effects, why do we still walk past and think it is none of our business?

A famous quote says, "The only thing necessary for the triumph [of evil] is for good men to do nothing."
 I would hazard a guess that many of us have heard this or something similar before. We know that evil tends to be the natural order of things and to prevent it, good must rise up. But we stand idly by and think it is none of our business. We know that the poor girl on the bench is almost physically unable to leave. We should step in. Whether the woman is an adult or child, or a boy or man, abuse is wrong. We need to stop walking past thinking it is someone else's concern.

A little girl won't graduate this year because not enough effort was made to get her away from an abusive boy. Too many others will carry stains on their hearts for years. It is unconscionable that so few of us will take a second to stop to help someone in obvious distress. The one thing the ABC folks were able to show was that once someone stopped to help, many others were willing to jump in as well. All it takes is one good Samaritan to garner help and support for someone being abused. If all you can do is dial 911, it is still something.

Please, let this year be the year you don't walk past someone in danger.