A year ago, I was sitting in a meeting when I noticed everyone around me all of a sudden on cell phones. My principal stopped our meeting to tell us that an incident had occurred on Fort Hood. I tried to call my husband, who should have been home in bed sleeping after pulling 24 hour staff duty. No answer. I figured he probably was sleeping so soundly that the phone didn't wake him, but then we heard it was a mass shooting on post. It didn't matter where I thought he was, my heart was panicked, frozen between beats for a minute, like every other spouse, son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father experiences when something horrible has happened where someone you love is.
He finally returned my call as I was racing toward the house. He was fine and had been just really sleeping. I let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding and continued to the house. We watched what was happening on the news and took some time to call family all over the country to let them know we were all right.
But some people weren't. Some people never got to go home again. Some soldiers processing in from overseas tours, finally home safe from Iraq or Afghanistan, were gunned down by one of their own, an American, a soldier, a psychiatrist. Some soldiers were there gearing up to leave on a combat tour and never realized the danger they would face not just on American soil, but on their own military post. There just isn't any explaining what happened, although his lawyer is sure giving it a try in court this week. The evil in men's hearts and the sickness in their souls is overwhelming. Could this have been prevented? Was he mentally unstable and treatable?
One issue I have with the military now is despite all the claims that soldiers can seek help without fear of retribution, they fear retribution. I hear them talk about anyone who seeks help is marked as unstable, he/she becomes un-promotable, therefore is eventually separated from the military. I don't know facts and figures here, but as long as soldiers who want to be good soldiers and plan to make the military a career can seek help truly without fear of it damaging their careers (as long as they are not a danger to themselves or others), horrific events like those on Fort Hood a year ago today and the increasing number of military suicides are going to continue.
Who among us doesn't have a dark moment from time to time? Some of these soldiers are dealing with deployment after deployment and the stress of time in combat, time away from family, time spent in high stress situations and on high alert. Last time Chad came home, it took him about a month to drive faster than 25 mph because that is how you drove in Iraq and you drove down the center of the road. At a wine tasting event, they had a western re-enactment. We didn't know about it, until the gun went off. I can't even describe Chad's reaction, because it was so fast from recognizing the gunfire to realizing it was not a threat, but I could see that it really upset him. His eyes filled with tears and he told me he needed a few minutes to let the adrenaline bleed from his system. He had been worried I was going to be hurt. I had never seen him that upset before. He actually walked away from the main tents of the event for awhile.
My husband still carries the remnants of his tours to Iraq, and he pretty much comes back like he never left. Other than a few minor adjustments and catching up on a year's worth of sleep (he seriously spends like three months sleeping 10 or more hours a day, wherever he can catch them), he is the same guy who left. Well as much as I am the same person he left. People of course change and grow over a year, but he really seems to handle it pretty well. He doesn't have nightmares any more than I do, or anger issues or anything, but he is an unusual person, really built to be a soldier. Not everyone is, not everyone who can pass the physical, should be a soldier.
I don't know what the answer is, stricter screening process for the military? Better mental health availability? More awareness to what is going on around you? Could someone have seen what Major Nidal Hasan feeling? Maybe not, but we can't go back and change this event any more than we can change 9/11, but we can learn from the past. If we can take anything from this awful event, it should be some ways to make sure it never happens again.
Tonight, I go to bed safe and sound. My daughter sleeps peacefully in her crib. My husband is again far away, but alive. So tonight, I go to bed blessed and thankful, but also sorrowful for those who paid with their lives for one man's cruel insanity.
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