Day 103: Rain

Sorry Blogger was down for so long. I don't know what happened. One of my blogs got eaten. I will try to rewrite it. I don't remember what I said, exactly, but I will try to recreate most of it.

I am a high school teacher, but yesterday I felt more like a babysitter or zoo keeper. Our society has changed rules for acceptable behavior. Respect for authority is out the window. Teenagers are not just poorly behaved, they truly don't understand how to talk to anyone. Rules of conversation have flown the coop. I don't know if it is my classes this year or my age or having to leave my baby daughter everyday or being so exhausted. I just am reaching an end to my tolerance for awful behavior. 

I started teaching to help kids grow and change. I see things and connections and wanted to help kids be able to use what I see to be stronger students, better readers, eloquent writers, better people. I love the moment the lightbulb goes off, the flash of understanding that crosses a young face. I started teaching for those moments, but have found few of those moments this year. 

Maybe I watch too many movies. I wanted to be the teacher in Stand and Deliver, Dangerous Minds, Mr. Holland's Opus, Freedom Writers. Instead I feel like I'm waiting for June. I used to love coming into school, everyday was an adventure. It hurts my heart. I miss the teaching. I know what I'm missing when I see my daughter learning and putting ideas together. I literally laugh out loud when she gets something I am trying to teach her. 

Last night, we finally got some desperately needed rain. Lil Bit heard the pinging of the rain in the chimney against the flue. She looked around quizzically trying to figure out what that noise was and from where it was coming. It occurred to me that she hadn't seen rain in so long, the word probably didn't have any meaning for her. I picked her up and took her outside to see it rain. 

Silvery drops trickled down off the porch awning onto the ground. The air rumbled and flashes of light glittered in the distance. I took her hand and stretched it out into the cool rivulets pouring onto the patio. Tiny ice droplets raced down her hand. Her eyes widened and she almost panicked. It was so cold.

Then I smiled and laughed and she touched it again. I could see the wheels in her head turning, water . . . rain is water. 

Then she stretched out her chubby little fingers into the rain, giggling, and ended up just quietly soaking in the rain and getting soaking in the rain. It poured down her arm and splashed on her face. Her face lit up with simple joy, contentment. It was so sweet to see her learn and understand something and just relish something so simple as the rain.

It was a sweet, pure moment with my daughter. I wish someone could have taken a picture. I almost cried because her dad missed it. Missing her first birthday was hard, but these sweet little moments I think are harder. The first time she understands a new word or idea and her eyes open and a look of pride swells her little chest when I laugh and clap for her, just blows me away. I wish I got that feeling from my students more often.