Today, I wanted to chat with my husband. We sent simultaneous emails yesterday, but didn't get to actually chat. I left my computer open next to me while playing a board game with my mom, niece and nephew. Between helping count spaces, read rules and corral baby, I didn't see that he came on to chat, so I missed him by about 30 minutes when I moved the mouse to stop the screen saver
The first time he deployed after we started dating, I missed a phone call while here at my sister's house. It was the first phone call I had missed. I cried. I knew he was standing in line for long stretches of time to get to a phone and he didn't have a computer for internet usage. If he wanted to email, he had to wait in another long line. When I missed a call, I felt horrible. It was my first experience as a military significant other, and to me every missed phone call might have been my last chance to hear his voice. While it still is, I think I've realized to keep those emotions a little more under wraps. I can't walk around so raw all the time.
This deployment, he has his own computer with internet in his room. While too slow to use for Skype or video chatting most days, it is fast enough for voice calls on some days and emails and instant messaging on most. It isn't quite as devastating to miss a call, but it still feels like I've dropped the ball somehow. I have a lot of responsibilities here, and I know he doesn't expect me to sit around waiting for him to be online. I don't do the frilly care packages and Martha Stewart boxes. Honestly, I am good enough to get him a few cards and packages a year. But I try to (on days I don't have school) schedule my day around the times he usually is available.
It is a little thing that I can do to make sure he knows he is loved and missed. I think we've reached a point in our marriage that we don't spend a lot of time worrying during deployments about cheating or what the other person is doing, but we've also reached a point where we've gotten really good at being apart, so much so that we both worry just a little about not needing each other quite so much. I don't want him to worry that I don't need him or miss him or want him every single day because I do.
I think that I miss him most when I visit my family or his. I feel like part of me is missing more so than I do at home. I guess at home, I keep so incredibly busy I don't have time to think about it. But all the quiet here brings him more and more to mind. Also watching my sister with her husband and family makes it more obvious that here I am alone again. The fear of losing him also grows the closer we get to the end and the countdown gets to be almost a daily prayer of blessing, thanks and continued concern.
I missed his message and it still hurts. I hope that I will get a chance to hear from him again before he leaves for his day of patrols/missions. But even if I don't, I will most likely get another chance tomorrow, and if not, we always end every communication with, "I love you and miss you!!" just in case.
The first time he deployed after we started dating, I missed a phone call while here at my sister's house. It was the first phone call I had missed. I cried. I knew he was standing in line for long stretches of time to get to a phone and he didn't have a computer for internet usage. If he wanted to email, he had to wait in another long line. When I missed a call, I felt horrible. It was my first experience as a military significant other, and to me every missed phone call might have been my last chance to hear his voice. While it still is, I think I've realized to keep those emotions a little more under wraps. I can't walk around so raw all the time.
This deployment, he has his own computer with internet in his room. While too slow to use for Skype or video chatting most days, it is fast enough for voice calls on some days and emails and instant messaging on most. It isn't quite as devastating to miss a call, but it still feels like I've dropped the ball somehow. I have a lot of responsibilities here, and I know he doesn't expect me to sit around waiting for him to be online. I don't do the frilly care packages and Martha Stewart boxes. Honestly, I am good enough to get him a few cards and packages a year. But I try to (on days I don't have school) schedule my day around the times he usually is available.
It is a little thing that I can do to make sure he knows he is loved and missed. I think we've reached a point in our marriage that we don't spend a lot of time worrying during deployments about cheating or what the other person is doing, but we've also reached a point where we've gotten really good at being apart, so much so that we both worry just a little about not needing each other quite so much. I don't want him to worry that I don't need him or miss him or want him every single day because I do.
I think that I miss him most when I visit my family or his. I feel like part of me is missing more so than I do at home. I guess at home, I keep so incredibly busy I don't have time to think about it. But all the quiet here brings him more and more to mind. Also watching my sister with her husband and family makes it more obvious that here I am alone again. The fear of losing him also grows the closer we get to the end and the countdown gets to be almost a daily prayer of blessing, thanks and continued concern.
I missed his message and it still hurts. I hope that I will get a chance to hear from him again before he leaves for his day of patrols/missions. But even if I don't, I will most likely get another chance tomorrow, and if not, we always end every communication with, "I love you and miss you!!" just in case.
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