Technically, it is after midnight so I missed today, but I am still awake so I will try to get in a quick one. Today I was more tired than I have been in my entire life when I wasn't recovering from major surgery. I am not sure how I am still awake now, but definitely running on fumes.
Chad's dad's birthday is Monday and his present isn't finished. He is having a hard time remembering things and is not well. We don't get down there to visit much between having to travel 3 hours north to pick up the boys from their mother and having to do something with the dog. It isn't as easy to get away as it used to be pre-dog and baby.
I don't really know what to get him, if he even needs anything. So I decided to get a bunch of pictures printed from the past four years and make an album for him. I bought the album Tuesday and haven't had the energy or time to start on it. Tonight I went through as many of our photos as I could, sent them electronically to Walgreens to have them printed, and started putting them in the photo album and labelling them.
I thought that while he is sitting at dialysis or having a rough day at home, he could flip through the book and see pictures of Chad and I, the boys, and Chad's sister and of course the newest addition, Lil Bit! That way he can remember fun times we all had together and see pictures of his son being a fantastic father to his grandsons and granddaughter. I hope he will enjoy it.
I knew this would take a few hours to sit down and do, but I had no idea how long. I have to finish labelling about 40 pictures tomorrow and pack a box of things for the boys from Chad. He set somethings aside before he left for them to get a few weeks into his deployment.
I feel like I am trying to take care of all the people Chad loves while he is gone and that is a really important part of being a soldier's wife. I am the one who calls his mom and lets her know he is ok when he can't email everyone or when they are on a blackout for OPSEC reasons (operational security). I talk to his father when I can to keep in touch with him and his sister who is struggling with caring for her sick father who is losing his battle with his kidneys and mental illness. I try to call his sons every week or so. I hope talking to me makes them feel better connected to their father because I can't even imagine how scary and saddening this deployment must be for them. Even when they don't have the words or the maturity to express it in obvious ways, the weight of it must always be there. I know these people Chad loves are my job now too. They have been since we first made a commitment, but when he is gone, I have to take over the more tangible aspects of that love.
It is just an extra weight on my heart right now, but flipping through this album and watching the boys and Lil Bit grow up before my eyes and seeing Chad with his arm slung around his father's shoulders, makes me realize that the joy of being able to flip through real photographs, not digital images might just make his dad's day, even if it gets there late.
So tomorrow, hopefully Turkey pants will let me sleep in and finish all my packages and the housework will wait. Because there is more of me than I would like, but not always enough to go around.
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