Ok - this is for all the people out there worried about me. I am FINE! I am exhausted, feel like I am starring in a really crappy remake of "Groundhog Day" minus the catchy wake up jam, Sonny and Cher's "I got you, babe," but I am fine!
The days are go, go, go from 5:30a.m.-8:30 or 9p.m. Then I get to sit down and catch up on whatever I haven't done for the day. It is much harder than anything I have ever done before and it is going to get worse. She will start teething soon and be miserable 24/7. Then she will be crawling and I will have to literally sit with her the entire time I am home or buckle her into a seat, swing, highchair, jumperoo, etc. My house was BABY proofed a year ago in preparation for the adoption, but I am a long way from crawler proofed! OMG!! I am going to have to get a maid. Either that or Lil Bit will have the immune system of a cockroach by the time she is potty trained!
I barely have time to bath her and myself much less the dog or vacuum. So my house isn't as clean as I would like it. I have a pile of catalogs and mail that needs getting to. I have started random piles of to-do things that mock me from several vantage points. My DVR is, as we speak, recording things I may never watch. I have read ONE book in the past month. I am two months behind on my Parents magazine, so I am lucky I haven't killed my daughter by using plastic bowls from Target or let her sleep on recalled sheets. She is likely growing a third arm from not using bottled water for her formula.
I am pretty sure I have already ruined her life because when I try to read to her, she squirms and cries. All those days of saying, I am too tired, we will read tomorrow and now she hates it. Great, just what her English teacher mommy needs is a baby who hates books! The dog hates me and glares at me accusingly all the time. I think I am doing pretty well to keep food and water in her bowls twice a day, but I can't walk her without the baby and can't take the baby when the evenings are a balmy twelve million degrees!
Some days, everything is sweet and easy (let's call those days, mmm, Saturdays) and days where nothing goes right (mmm, maybe Mondays for that one) and days I run ragged (Tuesday-Thursday) and days that I just am happy to have another week down of a long year, but no matter how rough this gets - I can stop, look into Lil Bit's face and know that I wouldn't change a thing!
When I have a rough day, her smile lights up my face. First thing every morning she smiles up at me and snuggles into my shoulder. We laugh and sing through getting dressed and later into "duh, nuh, nuh nuh -pajama time!" Mommy sings and dances. Lil Bit just laughs and doesn't catch my allusion. We're working on her obscure 80s references, but she is just hopeless.
I know women all over the world have to do ten times more with ten times less in horrible living conditions and I have NO room to complain, but when things change in someone's life, it feels big to you. I went from staying home with three kids, two older stepsons who were great company and wonderful helpers, a husband who did 80% of the cooking and at least half of the household chores on any given day so I could spend all my time fussing over baby - to working 44 hours a week, having another 5 hours a week dropping off and picking up of the baby and doing everything at home, or at least stressing about it. Big changes! At least I can let the dust be dusty, the floor be furry and the dog smell wet doggy, if I can hold my sweet baby girl and breathe in her sweet powdery vanilla scent, singing, "I got you, babe." Maybe throw in a little Marley, "Ev'ry little ting's gonna be alright."
We're surviving. Not sure how I will make things easier or if I even can pare down my routine anymore, but this year will at least go quickly. At this rate, Chad will be home, back in my arms before I know it. How lucky to have my Lil Bit to catch me when I fall.
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