FINALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY. Today we tried to web chat. He couldn't get logged into his Skype for some reason and we decided to try on Yahoo. I rushed around to gather everyone and then . . . clicks, hisses, pops, no picture and crappy sound.
We could barely hear him. What we could hear sounded a bit like Charlie Brown's teachers - wa wah wa wah wah waah. He could see and hear us. I tried to get the boys to look into the camera and talk to him, pretending that he was there, but they really struggled with it. T broke down and started to cry. With his autism and developmental delays, he doesn't always react in a predictable way. Sometimes he is very blank or stiff and sometimes he is overly emotional, getting angry in a flash when his routine or plans are foiled. I lost it when he started to cry because he misses his daddy so much. MiL walked past, eyes brimming with tears. I think she had to walk out of the room for a minute to get herself under control. She brought me a handful of tissues.
N being his father's son ALL the WAY pouted and was just awful the whole time. He was so upset about not being able to see his dad, he couldn't think about how much it had to mean for him to see us. I finally got him to talk a little bit, but also much like daddio, not easy for him to just talk, whereas I can fill space, dead air doesn't last long around me. He talked some about his new video games and various presents. He did get to talking about how sore we all are from the new Kinect.
We had all but given up hope, when the view webcam button finally appeared on my chat box. I clicked it and waited for the image to load. It had already said, "Not Available" about ten times when he initiated the invite to view. Then miracle of miracles, I saw him. I could see him smiling and laughing at Lil Bit's bouncy antics. We could watch his eyes light up when she started talking to him and seemed to be responding to his face on the screen.
Even though we had lost sound at that point, we could see each other and type. It was fantastic, but also bittersweet. It was so hard to say good-bye. I didn't want it to end. I started crying again as he blew me kisses over the internet, a brave move for a guy in a public computer area. I smooched back!
For those of you who've been reading - I mailed him a webcam, headset and mic to use in the public areas because they do not offer webcams on the public computers. For those of you who wonder why we had so many problems, it was because the internet is so awful over there. Even if he paid the exorbitant $120 a month, he wouldn't have connection speeds fast enough for web chat most days. It just makes me sick we can't see each other more and have more chances to web chat.
For most of you, you may never understand what it feels like to go months without seeing each others' faces; count your blessings. It is such a small thing, but being able to see him and watch him smile and laugh was amazing. He was blown away by the baby, she is so active, trying to type and talk to daddy. I hope we get to do it again sometime soon. I know it took a lot for him to do and a lot of his "free" time, also known as sleep time, to get it set up and spend so much time online with us. Wouldn't trade it for a month of Sundays, mmm a month of Sundays . . . that does sound nice. Two months worth would be pretty persuasive, but seeing his face for a few minutes was awesome. I even have kept the webcam box open on my desktop so I can still see that last image before we lost contact. I can never over estimate how precious it is being able to look at him ever again.
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