Day 258: Perspective

Last night, Lil Bit and I went to dinner with some friends. We have been to this restaurant many times since she was three months old. Last night, she looked around like it was all brand new. Wide-eyed, she looked at all the lights, signs, pictures, and people as if seeing them for the first time.

This morning, I dropped her off at school. She was looking around this room, in which she spends much of her life, as if she had never seen it before. I just stood there and held her for a minute, watching her. I realized she must be reaching some new physical or developmental stage where she can see farther away, comprehends things beyond her reach. Her world just changed immensely. I can't imagine how surprising her life must have just become. I almost couldn't leave her today. After passing her to Mimi, tears brimmed in my eyes until the first students at my school required my attention. I just wanted to sit and watch her explore her life today.

Last night, I watched the DVRed episode of Glee's Christmas episode. The teacher was talking to the students about how as a child, Christmas and Santa Claus were magical; how as we age, the joy and wonder of the season are lost, and every year, all we really want is to somehow be able to find that amazement again, be able to look at Christmas with a child's eyes again.

I turned and looked at Lil Bit, saying, "I get to do that through your eyes now, not just for Christmas but everything." I got all teary eyed. She just wanted more green beans and macaroni and cheese. But again realized that this parenting gig is so much more than I thought, everyday brings something new, some new reason to marvel, love, and just be overflowing with joy.

I have spent a lot of time worrying about giving her values, lessons, love, what perspective of the world she will see in me. I forgot to consider how much I will be shaped by looking through hers.