Thursday, December 2, 2010

Day 265: Here without you

Today is 100 days since I have seen, held, hugged, touched, kissed my beloved's face.  Many of my non-military friends have husbands go away for a week or two or even a couple of days and they say, "I don't know how you do it!" Today, I feel like I don't know how I do it either. The single parenting thing is really hard, but it isn't even that.

100 days since I watched him smile. 100 days since I watched him walk in the front door, or had to remind him to close his closet all the way. 100 days since I nudged him to roll over because he was snoring. I have been so caught up in just surviving being a mom that I don't have a lot of time to think about missing him, but I do. Even taking a few minutes to think about the things I'm missing is bringing tears to my eyes. I don't want to do another day without him. I want to hear his voice IN PERSON, I want to watch him chop vegetables I won't eat to make some fancy dish that turns out to be pretty awesome. I want to wake up to watching fishing shows on Saturdays, while we wait for the hunting ones to start. I want to not feel half empty all the time.

I was talking about him just a few minutes ago, telling tales on him, and was laughing so hard. He cracks me up. If I had to pick one reason I love him, just one, it would be because he makes me laugh. No matter what, he can find that one story that gets through the bad day and makes me laugh so hard I cackle. Someone sent me this picture today. It made me laugh and think of him. I can see him doing this when he was little. His mom has a picture of him not much older, fishing in a puddle. This made me laugh and want to race home to show him. . . and miss him all the more.

The radio sometimes just plays a song that cuts to my heart. The following song always makes me stop to miss him no matter where I am or what I'm doing. I thought it would be appropriate for this entry. My heart hurts today.


Here Without You lyrics
Songwriters: Roberts, Matt; Harrell, Todd; Arnold, Brad; Henderson, Chris;

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

1 comment:

  1. Oh this post did make me cry. I love that song too. I listened to it several times a day last year when my hubs was gone for 6 months.

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