Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Day 252: No sleep for the weary

I know the axiom is no rest for the wicked, but this feels more appropriate today. Lil Bit is going through a growth spurt or has a tape worm and is eating several times a night. Monday, I fed her about 40 ounces of formula over the course of the day and the equivalent of three small jars of baby food for supper alone.  She seems insatiable. But now wants to sit up while drinking her bottle, which is challenging because her sitting is still a little woozy, like a tiny drunk. Cute, but drippy.

She had been up several times from Sunday night to Monday morning, which while it had nothing to do with my absence, made me grateful I had already planned for a substitute. Monday night, she only woke once, but drained an entire bottle. Last night, she was up twice again, at 1 and 5. I can handle one feeding a night, but two takes a toll. Plus, the second feeding was so close to time to get ready for school that it just didn't make sense to go back to sleep. I slunk back into my warm sheets, but just couldn't drift back off for any meaningful sleep.

I am so sick, even having cough drops in my mouth constantly, I am hacking and sniffling over and over. Being tired, certainly doesn't help. This is one of those weeks that not only do I miss my best friend, but really miss having some extra help to take care of the house, pool, dog, baby, ME. I really want to curl up on the couch and drift off to sleep around 7 tonight.

Last night, I was even in my pjs by 9, but didn't make it to bed until 11. I just have too much to do. Lil Bit was even cooperative and bounced joyously in her jumperoo while I balanced the check book, which was a month overdue. Luckily, we still have some money. My district paid us early by two weeks which I suppose is nice for the holidays, but then we go six weeks before being paid again. So I had to do some fancy calculations to figure out our finances as if my check hadn't been deposited early so I didn't over pay on my car and end up going broke on rent.

I have really tried to take the mental position if it doesn't get done, it doesn't get done, but there really are things that can't wait or have to be done eventually. I just don't know how I am supposed to get it all done and not collapse mentally. I am doing a lot of mental aerobics to keep on top of my crazy busy life and all the responsibilities. A friend is supposed to come help me wrap gifts tonight, but she had to postpone, maybe I will be able to tackle some housework tonight. Or just sleep . . . don't twist my arm.

I know he is working much longer days than I am, on usually less sleep and has to work in extremely stressful situations, so he won't feel very sorry for me, but I contend that just because someone else's situation might be harder doesn't mean your feelings are less valid. Being the one over there is hard, no comforts of home (the house or country), no family, no friends, and if you're in his unit no days off and almost no down time. He is so busy.

Being the one left also means that the jobs we used to share are mine alone now. I have the same number of hours in the day and only half the workforce and with the baby, a quarter of the time I used to. Chad and I had a pretty good system that worked for us, but now it is just me with an additional very unreasonable little person who doesn't care if the table gets dusted, she wants a bottle NOW. She also doesn't understand the edge of the couch or bed is dangerous or that those funny holes in the wall are going to be a shocking experience.

Just tired of being tired. I am really looking forward to break, but it may not be much of a vacation. One week is traveling and one is having company. Not sure how much rest I am going to get either way. I may just leave my house and go check into a hotel for a night so I can sleep. I feel like I need to sleep for a month to catch up with how tired I am. Speaking of which . . . the rest of Hawaii 5-0 can wait until tomorrow.

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