It seems like the minute you are expecting, or in our case 'paper' pregnant, people start giving you advice. The hardest part is knowing what advice to take and what to ignore. The truth is what works for me and my baby may not work for you or your baby or your parenting style. I am certainly not perfect!! Nor was my mom or mother-in-law although they were both great! We all do what we can to survive. There are certain moms who can seemingly do it all while being totally vegan, green and organic without watching any TV or listening to any music that doesn't have child focused lyrics and in their spare time teach their children foreign languages and physics. I am not THAT mom. That mom makes me feel like a failure.
Just the other day, I was very worried about how loose her car seat base was. Before putting her into the car, I reached in to tighten the base. For the minute my back was turned the shopping cart with the baby in it started to roll away. Luckily, I was able to get to her quickly, but it just about gave me a heart attack. So I am absolutely NOT holding myself up as a paragon of motherhood perfection. This list is simply a short list of things I have found that worked for me to sooth, comfort, prevent, and raise a generally happy, healthy little girl.
This list is in no particular order. I am writing things down as they occur to me and letting the list build for a few weeks. We'll see how long it gets.
1. Give the baby a variety of experiences as part of the norm!
a. let her fall asleep in the dark, dim, light rooms, etc.
b. give him warm bottles, room temperature bottles, cold bottles - same for food.
Giving a baby routine helps them feel safe, comfortable, but too much routine makes for a fussy baby when any little thing is disrupted.
2. Use a type of velcro snuggy wrap (I used the Summer SwaddleMe) during sleep. It serves two purposes: keeps the baby warm and keeps the baby from waking herself up or scratching herself. I didn't use one for the first few months and when I started using them, the baby learned how to sleep for longer periods, meaning I got to sleep too. It was like a miracle to us, don't wait until you need a miracle.
3. Watch/Rent/Buy "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Part of using the swaddle was from this system. Chad and I watched it in horror. The people were so over the top and the creator was a bit cheesy, but then we picked up our Lil Bit and used the strategies, and she calmed and slept. We still use them to some extent, but mostly let the baby self sooth now.
4. Buy a bassinet or get one from a friend. Nothing is worse than having to run through the house half-asleep racing to reach a distraught child. The second month when she was colicky and daddy was gone, having her by my bedside was crucial. I didn't get a lot of sleep, but I was too concerned about SIDS to let her sleep away from me. (I am still a bit of a worrywart) Also, the bassinet was great for just wheeling her around the house, onto the patio, into the kitchen. They sleep pretty much all the time except when you need them too, so having a bassinet where he can nap by your side is so helpful. Also the baby learned to sleep through all sorts of commotion around her. Once she gets to sleep, she tends to sleep through most noise even now.
5. Take the baby out, meet new people, dogs, experiences head on. My daughter was out to dinner within a week of being home. She went to a winery at less than two weeks (as an observer!!!) She got used to being held by all sorts of people. She got used to noise, commotion. This is especially important for stay at home moms who sometimes only see one or two people most days. Because Lil Bit is in daycare, she is comfortable going to most people. So far we've haven't had any stranger anxiety, which was really appreciated when daddy came home.
6. Start the baby self-soothing as soon as you feel comfortable letting the baby sort herself out. After a couple of months, we moved to putting the baby down after a few soothing gestures. Sometimes she throws a fit, but most of the time, she plays quietly until she falls asleep. Even if she cries for five minutes (which feels like 30!), learning to quiet herself down means she wakes less in the night, cries less when she wakes and will put herself back to sleep or play quietly in her crib on the weekend. Lil Bit had to be woken up at 8:30 most weekend mornings.
7. Laugh - the more you laugh and joke the better for your sanity and for the baby. Every time I look at Lil Bit, she is waiting for a funny face, or for a laugh because getting angry and frustrated just doesn't work with her. Some children are properly scolded with a frown, but she is so willful that if I raise my voice or frown, she just gets angrier. Until she is old enough to understand rules, distraction is the name of the game. I sing a song, laugh, be silly, change toys, etc. Playing peek a boo is how I get out of the room. She is such a happy little girl, who knows if my strategy for dealing with baby behavior had an effect or if God just made her that way, but maybe a little bit of both.
8. When looking at toys, think about how much they do. Kids who have toys that do everything don't get as much of a chance to use their imagination and really they would rather play with a spoon and piece of string. Also if it makes noise, how irritating is the noise? Does it have a volume setting? One of Lil Bit's toys is a Barney dashboard (very annoying) with no volume control and no off switch! (Thanks, sis!)
9. Research prices on staples (diapers, wipes, formula) at your usual stores and online (Amazon baby or Diapers.com, etc.). You will need more stage 2 and 3 diapers than newborns and 1's. But don't buy too many diapers before baby is born, you may get some at showers and you may want to try different brands. The hospital used Pampers, but I didn't like them. They leaked. Huggies felt wet on the outside. Target Up&UP brand got inflexible when wet.
10. Clothes - one thing I have found is that some clothes that looked super cute on the hanger are a super pain in the butt to care for. Most of her little skirts have hems that roll up when I dry them. I have to finger smooth them and let them air dry. Some of her shirts are about the same. You don't want to spend any more time on laundry than necessary.
11. Clothes 2 - Also, I found that onesies weren't something I used very often in relation to how many I was given. Don't buy any, unless you find one that says something very meaningful. You will get enough that you probably won't use them all. In fact I have two sets that haven't even been opened or used.
12. Don't waste a lot of money on Dreft or dye free detergents. Buy the small bottles at first. Wash an item or two in your regular detergent and see if the baby has a reaction. I waited a month before I tried this because my preemie newborn seemed so tiny and fragile, but the What to Expect book said it wasn't necessary. If the baby doesn't react to your regular detergent, you won't need to buy special stuff anymore. I use the dye and fragrance free that I bought when she was born but only once in awhile. Still have the same bottle we bought while she was in the hospital.
13. BORROW ! ! Part of getting excited about the baby was trying to make everything perfect for her arrival. I wanted her to have the best of everything, but since we only had six weeks, I used a lot of hand me downs and for the money we saved, it was worth it. If you can find a hand me down bassinet or swing, use them. These are products that you will only use for a few months at best. You'd be better off putting the money in savings for college.
14. Baby Sign Language - Much of baby's tears are from frustration because they want something and we don't understand. I started signing with Lil Bit around 4 months old. She started signing back around 6-7 months. So far she has a limited sign vocabulary, but she can tell me when she wants more or is finished. At this stage, that is half the battle. She uses "more" for to tell me she wants to do something again as well. She started signing for the dog last week. I probably could teach her more signs, but she knows I know what she wants most of the time and is very stubborn. Some people claim their babies sign complete sentences well before they can speak, but I am satisfied with being able to know when she is still hungry or finished eating.
15. Talk to your baby - The more you describe left shoe, pink ball, arms up, tickle your toes, etc. the more the baby learns. You won't necessarily know what she has learned for months, but one day, around 10-11 months, a lot of information and words start to click.
16. Keep a toy or two on the changing table to distract him while changing diapers and clothes. Around 5 or 6 months, they start rolling over and then crawling, which is much less cute while they are poop covered or precariously close to the edge. A toy to hold will keep them from flipping at least some of the time.
I have probably a hundred little things I do without thinking about it, but being a mommy is all about intuition and instinct combined with knowledge. You will know your child so well in a few months you will know what a grunt means. I have learned to recognize her sleep breathing from her awake breathing. And you will, too. These are just a few things I learned after months, mostly months of frustration, so if any of these tips help you at all, I won't have suffered in vain. I would love you to leave any helpful tips you have as comments or ask about any subject I forgot.
And remember every mom feels like a failure some days, like supermom on others and barely hanging on the rest. I just put my Lil Bit to bed, less sleepy than usual after getting to sleep in and have some good naps. I can hear her in her bed, kicking her feet and playing with her toys. She isn't crying, so for right now I feel like a good mom, ask me again in twenty minutes when she is standing up, jumping up and down in her crib. Even what works most nights won't always work. Parenting is kind of like teaching that way. Nothing stays the same long enough to get boring.
Just the other day, I was very worried about how loose her car seat base was. Before putting her into the car, I reached in to tighten the base. For the minute my back was turned the shopping cart with the baby in it started to roll away. Luckily, I was able to get to her quickly, but it just about gave me a heart attack. So I am absolutely NOT holding myself up as a paragon of motherhood perfection. This list is simply a short list of things I have found that worked for me to sooth, comfort, prevent, and raise a generally happy, healthy little girl.
This list is in no particular order. I am writing things down as they occur to me and letting the list build for a few weeks. We'll see how long it gets.
1. Give the baby a variety of experiences as part of the norm!
a. let her fall asleep in the dark, dim, light rooms, etc.
b. give him warm bottles, room temperature bottles, cold bottles - same for food.
Giving a baby routine helps them feel safe, comfortable, but too much routine makes for a fussy baby when any little thing is disrupted.
2. Use a type of velcro snuggy wrap (I used the Summer SwaddleMe) during sleep. It serves two purposes: keeps the baby warm and keeps the baby from waking herself up or scratching herself. I didn't use one for the first few months and when I started using them, the baby learned how to sleep for longer periods, meaning I got to sleep too. It was like a miracle to us, don't wait until you need a miracle.
3. Watch/Rent/Buy "The Happiest Baby on the Block". Part of using the swaddle was from this system. Chad and I watched it in horror. The people were so over the top and the creator was a bit cheesy, but then we picked up our Lil Bit and used the strategies, and she calmed and slept. We still use them to some extent, but mostly let the baby self sooth now.
4. Buy a bassinet or get one from a friend. Nothing is worse than having to run through the house half-asleep racing to reach a distraught child. The second month when she was colicky and daddy was gone, having her by my bedside was crucial. I didn't get a lot of sleep, but I was too concerned about SIDS to let her sleep away from me. (I am still a bit of a worrywart) Also, the bassinet was great for just wheeling her around the house, onto the patio, into the kitchen. They sleep pretty much all the time except when you need them too, so having a bassinet where he can nap by your side is so helpful. Also the baby learned to sleep through all sorts of commotion around her. Once she gets to sleep, she tends to sleep through most noise even now.
5. Take the baby out, meet new people, dogs, experiences head on. My daughter was out to dinner within a week of being home. She went to a winery at less than two weeks (as an observer!!!) She got used to being held by all sorts of people. She got used to noise, commotion. This is especially important for stay at home moms who sometimes only see one or two people most days. Because Lil Bit is in daycare, she is comfortable going to most people. So far we've haven't had any stranger anxiety, which was really appreciated when daddy came home.
6. Start the baby self-soothing as soon as you feel comfortable letting the baby sort herself out. After a couple of months, we moved to putting the baby down after a few soothing gestures. Sometimes she throws a fit, but most of the time, she plays quietly until she falls asleep. Even if she cries for five minutes (which feels like 30!), learning to quiet herself down means she wakes less in the night, cries less when she wakes and will put herself back to sleep or play quietly in her crib on the weekend. Lil Bit had to be woken up at 8:30 most weekend mornings.
7. Laugh - the more you laugh and joke the better for your sanity and for the baby. Every time I look at Lil Bit, she is waiting for a funny face, or for a laugh because getting angry and frustrated just doesn't work with her. Some children are properly scolded with a frown, but she is so willful that if I raise my voice or frown, she just gets angrier. Until she is old enough to understand rules, distraction is the name of the game. I sing a song, laugh, be silly, change toys, etc. Playing peek a boo is how I get out of the room. She is such a happy little girl, who knows if my strategy for dealing with baby behavior had an effect or if God just made her that way, but maybe a little bit of both.
8. When looking at toys, think about how much they do. Kids who have toys that do everything don't get as much of a chance to use their imagination and really they would rather play with a spoon and piece of string. Also if it makes noise, how irritating is the noise? Does it have a volume setting? One of Lil Bit's toys is a Barney dashboard (very annoying) with no volume control and no off switch! (Thanks, sis!)
9. Research prices on staples (diapers, wipes, formula) at your usual stores and online (Amazon baby or Diapers.com, etc.). You will need more stage 2 and 3 diapers than newborns and 1's. But don't buy too many diapers before baby is born, you may get some at showers and you may want to try different brands. The hospital used Pampers, but I didn't like them. They leaked. Huggies felt wet on the outside. Target Up&UP brand got inflexible when wet.
10. Clothes - one thing I have found is that some clothes that looked super cute on the hanger are a super pain in the butt to care for. Most of her little skirts have hems that roll up when I dry them. I have to finger smooth them and let them air dry. Some of her shirts are about the same. You don't want to spend any more time on laundry than necessary.
11. Clothes 2 - Also, I found that onesies weren't something I used very often in relation to how many I was given. Don't buy any, unless you find one that says something very meaningful. You will get enough that you probably won't use them all. In fact I have two sets that haven't even been opened or used.
12. Don't waste a lot of money on Dreft or dye free detergents. Buy the small bottles at first. Wash an item or two in your regular detergent and see if the baby has a reaction. I waited a month before I tried this because my preemie newborn seemed so tiny and fragile, but the What to Expect book said it wasn't necessary. If the baby doesn't react to your regular detergent, you won't need to buy special stuff anymore. I use the dye and fragrance free that I bought when she was born but only once in awhile. Still have the same bottle we bought while she was in the hospital.
13. BORROW ! ! Part of getting excited about the baby was trying to make everything perfect for her arrival. I wanted her to have the best of everything, but since we only had six weeks, I used a lot of hand me downs and for the money we saved, it was worth it. If you can find a hand me down bassinet or swing, use them. These are products that you will only use for a few months at best. You'd be better off putting the money in savings for college.
14. Baby Sign Language - Much of baby's tears are from frustration because they want something and we don't understand. I started signing with Lil Bit around 4 months old. She started signing back around 6-7 months. So far she has a limited sign vocabulary, but she can tell me when she wants more or is finished. At this stage, that is half the battle. She uses "more" for to tell me she wants to do something again as well. She started signing for the dog last week. I probably could teach her more signs, but she knows I know what she wants most of the time and is very stubborn. Some people claim their babies sign complete sentences well before they can speak, but I am satisfied with being able to know when she is still hungry or finished eating.
15. Talk to your baby - The more you describe left shoe, pink ball, arms up, tickle your toes, etc. the more the baby learns. You won't necessarily know what she has learned for months, but one day, around 10-11 months, a lot of information and words start to click.
16. Keep a toy or two on the changing table to distract him while changing diapers and clothes. Around 5 or 6 months, they start rolling over and then crawling, which is much less cute while they are poop covered or precariously close to the edge. A toy to hold will keep them from flipping at least some of the time.
I have probably a hundred little things I do without thinking about it, but being a mommy is all about intuition and instinct combined with knowledge. You will know your child so well in a few months you will know what a grunt means. I have learned to recognize her sleep breathing from her awake breathing. And you will, too. These are just a few things I learned after months, mostly months of frustration, so if any of these tips help you at all, I won't have suffered in vain. I would love you to leave any helpful tips you have as comments or ask about any subject I forgot.
And remember every mom feels like a failure some days, like supermom on others and barely hanging on the rest. I just put my Lil Bit to bed, less sleepy than usual after getting to sleep in and have some good naps. I can hear her in her bed, kicking her feet and playing with her toys. She isn't crying, so for right now I feel like a good mom, ask me again in twenty minutes when she is standing up, jumping up and down in her crib. Even what works most nights won't always work. Parenting is kind of like teaching that way. Nothing stays the same long enough to get boring.
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