Day 352

And Labor Day = Lil Bit is 4 months old! Somehow she doesn't feel like such a Lil Bit anymore! She is already trying to sit up and can hold herself up with very little back support. Side to side is something else, she does the slow descent a lot. Kinda funny to watch her slowly tip over. Of course I am always there to catch her. I really wish I could be there to catch her forever. Putting her into daycare is just the first time I don't get to be the one to catch every cry or sniffle or smile and giggle. I know I will have to let her go eventually, but I think it is totally rational to want to wait to let her go until she is at least 5 years old. I mean most moms want to hold on until um 20, 40 or so = ).

Well I bit the bullet, and asked for help with the baby. I have asked friends for help before, but I hate having to do it. Despite all logic, it makes me feel like a failure, but tonight it was 4:30 and the baby wouldn't let me put her down and I was near tears overwhelmed by all that I had left to do. Don't even get me started on the things I WANTED to do, but the list of what had to be done was so long. I finally broke down and asked my neighbor and friend to come hold her so I could shower and take care of a few niggling chores. Thank you KARLA!! I was able to wash dishes, make breakfasts for the week, shower, clean out the fridge.  Felt so good to have an extra set of hands even if just for an hour or so.

We got a phone call today! The caller ID said U.S. Government, but I knew before I saw it that it had to be him. I don't know how I knew, but I usually get a feeling when he plans to call. It felt so good to hear his voice. The call center must not have been too crowded, because we got to talk for a long time. I put him on the phone with Lil Bit. Her whole face lit up when she heard his voice. It was too priceless! She was smiling and cooing back at him! I feel so much better about her remembering him if we can keep this up. She listens to her recorded storybook often and we listen to the messages on the answering machine. I have a board book full of pictures of our family, some really special ones of her and Daddy. I don't know when they go through the clingy stage, but I hope she remembers him enough not to be scared when he comes home.

One last thing to do, I have to write a monthly progress report to her birth mother and upload all the  pictures for her package. While right now, I am tired and it is just one more thing to do, I am so thankful for her unselfish heart! She could have aborted this unplanned child, or kept her despite knowing the life wouldn't be very stable, instead she saw a life for her daughter that she wanted us to provide. She chose us out of all the parents available to her and felt lucky she found us. I don't know the words to use, but I don't consider her the lucky one. She gave me the most perfect Mothers' Day gift I could ever have had. I had my daughter in my arms this Mothers' Day. A letter and a few photos are small thanks for such a gift.

Today was a day of many blessings, a phone call, a friend, and a precious little Bit of a girl turning 4 mos. Just goes to show, when the sky starts getting dark, a silver lining can always be found!