Day 298: Holdin' on

All week, despite being sick and exhausted, I have tried to stay very positive. I have worked very hard not to let myself get down. I think I did pretty good, but today I was just holding on.

I am so wiped out. I have just never been someone who goes goes goes. Lil Bit has been sleeping great at night, but the trade off is that she doesn't really nap. Today, I needed a nap like nobody's business. I was literally falling asleep on my feet and the baby not only wouldn't nap, but was cranky and needed me to hold her.

It is so exhausting. I feel like I spend all week waiting for the weekend so I can rest and get caught up on "stuff" and then spend all weekend trying to get to that stuff, most of which gets put off until the next weekend. Then I feel like I didn't get to spend any real time with my precious little girl because I spent the whole day trying to get things done. Today I really didn't do anything. My goals were just to get rest and eat, etc. and start on my Christmas shopping via the internet. I did most of that but walked past so many other things that need doing, knowing that everything I put aside, will need doing eventually.

It just feels like I am always playing catch up and falling further and further behind. It is rough trying to hold it together sometimes. I love my gorgeous daughter, very much! But days like today are difficult. There aren't enough hours in the days for me, her, house, dog, etc. Even on the best days, I struggle with having time to take care of myself on the most personal levels. I just don't know how to find the time to figure out how to make a cd of pictures and videos for my husband and create a holiday box for him and the letter for Lil Bit's tummy mommy this month. I also have the MRI and surgeries upcoming and the nodes on my thyroid. Life seems to be snowballing today and I am just holding on. The Lord is giving me strength to keep my chin up; it is the only explanation for how I am still able to sit here without crying. And knowing that my husband is safe gives me hope. I am really having a hard time missing him today, so getting an email and seeing some pictures really made a difference.

We all have these days no matter what our circumstances. Hopefully you have family, friends, and faith to help you survive. Just hold on for today, tomorrow will take care of itself.