Sunday, October 3, 2010

Day 325: No rest for anybody

Scooting on your forehead hurts. It is not a terribly effective means of ambulation and causes rug burns. Oh how to explain this to a nearly 5 month old baby. She does really good at getting her legs under her, but hasn't quite grasped using her arms to hold up her head. Every time I tried to do anything today, she would roll herself over and start screaming. She tried to scoot across a plastic inset mirror on her mat. She definitely is not hurting for lung capacity!

I guess I was trying to get stuff done so I could start the week not feeling like I am behind the eight ball, but instead of feeling good about all the stuff I got done, I am counting the things I didn't get done, the hours I spent doing instead of playing.

I have some days I feel like everything is under control and I am getting special time with my baby girl. Today is not one of those days. I spent most of the day juggling things and being so wiped out. I fell asleep for a brief nap, but it wasn't enough. It was kind of nice snuggle time though. Lil Bit fell asleep in her boppy, and I put my head down next to hers and drifted off snuggling with her. She woke up before I wanted to, but you can't leave a baby in a boppy unattended so I drank some caffeine couched in diet soda to wake up enough to be functional. I felt like I'd been run over by a train.

She was fussy and crabby today and something about the whining of the baby, dog, drier, with all the noise in my head trying to get things done just made me feel defeated. My house is pretty clean, all my  top priority stuff is done, and I would love to have tomorrow to just play and snuggle my babycakes. I have not found a legitimate source of income from home, but I don't know how much longer I can do this without really feeling lost. I can't imagine another 324 days without an extra set of hands to help with things so I can enjoy my days off with my Punkin Butt. She is just such a joy. She stands on my lap and grins and give me drooly kisses. It breaks my heart to have to share her with anyone else.


Today there were victories, they just all felt Pyrrhic~ no rest. I did my best, but my best just isn't enough most days. I still have 150 3-5 page essays to grade. Yeah, like that is happening!!! Ugh - gonna try to buck up before bed. The panic of never being done or ever even being caught up is strangling me tonight. Tomorrow will be better. At least I tell myself that and try to have a positive attitude.

1 comment:

  1. Papers....force yourself to do 5 a day (or whatever a magic number is for you!). I do 5 a day because my groups are about 50ish. That means I get 10 days to do them. If I don't get those 50 done during my school day, I have to take them home and work them in. Let me tell you, I bust my booty to get them done before I walk out the door. I may have to stay 15 minutes late or even 30, but I will get them done on before I leave...unless something drastic happens!

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