One of the recurring challenges of military couples is handling the R&R and redeployment. Separating is hard, but you get a rhythm to your days. The two week vacation in the middle is much anticipated but also fraught with complicated relationship issues.
He spends 6 months or so in combat, living in uncomfortable situations, feeling separated from the things that make him feel like him. During that time, he hopes and dreams and waits for this all too brief respite from the challenges, drama, and stress of the war. He thinks about home: sleeping in his bed, wearing civilian clothes, showering in private, and seeing his family. Then he thinks about all the things he isn't getting to do and wants to cram as many of them into his two weeks as possible. His request was to try to take a hunting trip to Arkansas or Missouri for geese management season.
I spend those same months just living day to day, trying to maintain the same things we share by myself. I spend those months this time with a baby who demands total attention. Even when she is very good, I always have to have her needs and moods and schedules planned before I consider my own. I love being a mother, but I miss being able to take a few hours of a break. I think about those two weeks and think about driving to get the boys, taking a trip to see his ailing father. I think about all the hours in the car just to do those two things, and get tired.
I am still not over this infection. I woke up today, feeling worse than yesterday. I hope I don't have to make another trip to the doctor. My overwhelming summary of this year so far would be tired. I need a break in a completely different way than he does. Because his sacrifice is so total, it is hard for me to put my needs before his, but I also need to consider that his break is my only break too.
This is where things sometimes get tricky. He deserves to come home and have a great time. I deserve some much needed rest and to have some help around the house. The kids deserve to have some wonderful time with their father. His family deserves to see him. Two weeks isn't a very long time to fit in all that.
Somewhere, somehow, he and I have to find a way to triage who gets priority. The kids come first. Then him and me, but what we need also has to take a back seat to what makes financial and time sense. I can't see taking four of his fourteen days to drive for him to hunt geese that we have no place to store and I don't even know if you can eat them. But we do need to find a way for him to get some downtime in nature since that is his thing. If all that gets done, then maybe I get some me time. I guess I don't even want to go anywhere or do anything, I just want to be able to let someone else chase her around for an evening or be the one to hop out of bed when she needs something.
Many couples, us included, have to find a way to process all the emotions of R&R. It is exciting, full of anticipation, but also nerves. While he's gone, you find a rhythm to daily life that doesn't include him. He explores a new world and an independence from you. Coming home, we look to reestablish the romantic ties, the relationship, but have to keep one hand over our hearts because two weeks is over way too fast.
We both picture those two weeks differently. I want him to spend every second lapping up the attention of his beautiful daughter, soaking up the rarer snuggles of his two boys, settling into the peace and quiet of our home. He tries to cram as much fun and activity into two weeks as humanly possible, at least he has in the past. The first deployment we shared, the two weeks home was a tailspin of parties. We had a blast. We spent everyday we could, just filled with friends and family. The R&R after that one, we spend a week with the boys and his father, fishing and barbecuing and spent a few days in a hotel doing fun things in the city. We then took a quiet second week for ourselves.
I don't know how this one will shake out. I do know it will take compromise from both of us. What we have to remember is how much we love each other. We have to remember how much the other person is sacrificing this year and be willing to move the sun and moon for them. If we both approach it ready to give 100%, somehow we will meet in the middle and find that most importantly, we needed each other the most.
He spends 6 months or so in combat, living in uncomfortable situations, feeling separated from the things that make him feel like him. During that time, he hopes and dreams and waits for this all too brief respite from the challenges, drama, and stress of the war. He thinks about home: sleeping in his bed, wearing civilian clothes, showering in private, and seeing his family. Then he thinks about all the things he isn't getting to do and wants to cram as many of them into his two weeks as possible. His request was to try to take a hunting trip to Arkansas or Missouri for geese management season.
I spend those same months just living day to day, trying to maintain the same things we share by myself. I spend those months this time with a baby who demands total attention. Even when she is very good, I always have to have her needs and moods and schedules planned before I consider my own. I love being a mother, but I miss being able to take a few hours of a break. I think about those two weeks and think about driving to get the boys, taking a trip to see his ailing father. I think about all the hours in the car just to do those two things, and get tired.
I am still not over this infection. I woke up today, feeling worse than yesterday. I hope I don't have to make another trip to the doctor. My overwhelming summary of this year so far would be tired. I need a break in a completely different way than he does. Because his sacrifice is so total, it is hard for me to put my needs before his, but I also need to consider that his break is my only break too.
This is where things sometimes get tricky. He deserves to come home and have a great time. I deserve some much needed rest and to have some help around the house. The kids deserve to have some wonderful time with their father. His family deserves to see him. Two weeks isn't a very long time to fit in all that.
Somewhere, somehow, he and I have to find a way to triage who gets priority. The kids come first. Then him and me, but what we need also has to take a back seat to what makes financial and time sense. I can't see taking four of his fourteen days to drive for him to hunt geese that we have no place to store and I don't even know if you can eat them. But we do need to find a way for him to get some downtime in nature since that is his thing. If all that gets done, then maybe I get some me time. I guess I don't even want to go anywhere or do anything, I just want to be able to let someone else chase her around for an evening or be the one to hop out of bed when she needs something.
Many couples, us included, have to find a way to process all the emotions of R&R. It is exciting, full of anticipation, but also nerves. While he's gone, you find a rhythm to daily life that doesn't include him. He explores a new world and an independence from you. Coming home, we look to reestablish the romantic ties, the relationship, but have to keep one hand over our hearts because two weeks is over way too fast.
We both picture those two weeks differently. I want him to spend every second lapping up the attention of his beautiful daughter, soaking up the rarer snuggles of his two boys, settling into the peace and quiet of our home. He tries to cram as much fun and activity into two weeks as humanly possible, at least he has in the past. The first deployment we shared, the two weeks home was a tailspin of parties. We had a blast. We spent everyday we could, just filled with friends and family. The R&R after that one, we spend a week with the boys and his father, fishing and barbecuing and spent a few days in a hotel doing fun things in the city. We then took a quiet second week for ourselves.
I don't know how this one will shake out. I do know it will take compromise from both of us. What we have to remember is how much we love each other. We have to remember how much the other person is sacrificing this year and be willing to move the sun and moon for them. If we both approach it ready to give 100%, somehow we will meet in the middle and find that most importantly, we needed each other the most.
Finding a compromise point isn't always easiest. I understand your feelings of wanting to make sure his needs are met, but I guess I've recently decided that it's okay to be selfish too. Why not explain to him that you want at least one day at home where he is taking care of your daughter so you can just relax?
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