I heard a statistic on the radio that said that couples fight, on average, 312 times a year. This seems to be a staggering statistic. Now the study didn't define what they considered to be a fight, perhaps just what I might term a disagreement. To me a fight involves raised voices and anger, but to other people even a cross exchange might be termed a fight.
My first thought and probably yours too, is that 312 is almost once per day. I can't imagine fighting everyday with my husband. I was worried we weren't a very positive couple because we still fight once in awhile. But we really don't argue that much. And the top ten topics they said most people fought over were all bathroom issues: beard shavings in the sink, putting the toilet seat down, cleaning the toilet, changing the toilet paper. That seems a huge waste of time to me. My husband and I argue sometimes over some little things, but we have really gotten to a point (most of the time) that we don't waste time over the silly things.
When we first got together, Chad said to me once that I had caused the world to end by squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. I told him that it was because he had faced the toilet paper the wrong direction. We decided to agree to disagree. We each use our own toothpaste and if I don't like the way the toilet paper is facing, at least that means he changed it. I can flip it in about 5 seconds if it bothers me.
Living this half life makes us more aware of what is important, what is worth fighting for or over. When every conversation might be our last, it doesn't make any sense to bicker. We still sometimes have short tempers or get our feelings bruised easily. It is especially easy to argue during a deployment because you don't get to talk regularly and the goals in our head don't always mesh with the goals in their heads. Sometimes they just call with a request or ridiculous topic of conversation on the day that everything has fallen apart, the last straw has landed on your back and you were already blinking back tears before answering the phone.
But mostly the old adage that, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is very true, at least in marriages with plenty of fondness prior to absence. Trying to be more positive, at least that is approximately 312 fights we're NOT having. And maybe, if we are very lucky, we're learning that those type (beard trimmings and toilet seats) of fights aren't worth having at all.
My first thought and probably yours too, is that 312 is almost once per day. I can't imagine fighting everyday with my husband. I was worried we weren't a very positive couple because we still fight once in awhile. But we really don't argue that much. And the top ten topics they said most people fought over were all bathroom issues: beard shavings in the sink, putting the toilet seat down, cleaning the toilet, changing the toilet paper. That seems a huge waste of time to me. My husband and I argue sometimes over some little things, but we have really gotten to a point (most of the time) that we don't waste time over the silly things.
When we first got together, Chad said to me once that I had caused the world to end by squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle. I told him that it was because he had faced the toilet paper the wrong direction. We decided to agree to disagree. We each use our own toothpaste and if I don't like the way the toilet paper is facing, at least that means he changed it. I can flip it in about 5 seconds if it bothers me.
Living this half life makes us more aware of what is important, what is worth fighting for or over. When every conversation might be our last, it doesn't make any sense to bicker. We still sometimes have short tempers or get our feelings bruised easily. It is especially easy to argue during a deployment because you don't get to talk regularly and the goals in our head don't always mesh with the goals in their heads. Sometimes they just call with a request or ridiculous topic of conversation on the day that everything has fallen apart, the last straw has landed on your back and you were already blinking back tears before answering the phone.
But mostly the old adage that, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is very true, at least in marriages with plenty of fondness prior to absence. Trying to be more positive, at least that is approximately 312 fights we're NOT having. And maybe, if we are very lucky, we're learning that those type (beard trimmings and toilet seats) of fights aren't worth having at all.
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