Day 214: About a girl

One of my biggest criticisms always seems to be that I am too worried about stupid stuff, too nervous, too neurotic. I try to fight the worrier in me. I hate that part of me sometimes. I like that it drives me to be organized and prepared, but hate that it makes me cranky or overbearing. 

For the past week and a half, Lil Bit has been sick. It started with a little bit of a runny nose and a cough. It started the day the news reported the cedar pollen count was off the charts, so it took me a few days to see that she was actually not feeling very good. Maybe it did start as allergies, but by Friday she had a tiny fever. I took her home early and babied her all weekend. Tuesday we went back to work. She wasn't feeling great, but I had no idea that she was slowly getting worse.

Every night, she was unbelievably crabby and would scream every time I put her down. Her nose kept running and her cough got worse, but I didn't want to be the crazy first time mother who panics over nothing. She started throwing up. At first it was once, then she pulled an exorcist twice in one day. Her breathing got loud and I had enough.

I couldn't picture spending the weekend with her miserable. We would have both been at our wits' end by Monday. Also, I worried that if it was more than a simple cold, she might get worse and need a trip to the hospital if I waited. Luckily I had a couple teacher friends willing to watch my students while I ran Lil Bit to the doctor. After about five seconds, the doctor recommended a breathing treatment and a check of her oxygen statistics. Turns out she had bronchiatlitis and a double ear infection. 

It was a very long day. We spent 5 hours, running to the doctor's and back to school and then to the army pharmacy and then to Walgreens. Remind me sometime to tell you what a disaster the army pharmacy is. But after two breathing treatments and some antibiotics, my little girl had turned a corner and was back to feeling happier. 

HOLY COW!! I can't remember the last time I felt so relieved. I didn't realize how tightly I had been wound, until I sat for ten minutes with her playing on the floor happily in front of me without a single tear. I felt almost guilty for having the use of both arms. 

Today, she is still pretty snotty but we had a much better day other than the fact that I woke up sick. I can take care of myself if she can give me a break. In fact, she took a nice long nap which let me lay down for a few hours. I am still pretty overwhelmed about the amount of energy it takes to do it all, and feel at the end of my rope, but I am hopeful, that if I can just keep hanging on maybe we'll have a good week soon.