Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 230: CAB and sleep

So last night, as I am hurrying to finish my blog and head to bed, I see my husband is online. We get to chatting. He tells me that his CO kept him from going on a mission due to the bruised bone in his finger. His truck was hit by an IED during that mission. No one was hurt, I guess it wasn't very bad, but he was frustrated at not having been there. He is worried after four tours in Iraq that he hasn't earned a Combat Action Badge. His concern is that without a CAB he will not be promotable to the next rank.

It is already past 11 o'clock, the baby has been up twice a night every night all week and now I am relishing a chance to chat before he goes to gunnery training and is out of communications for a week or so. He then worries me with limited info about conflicts. He has to maintain OPSEC, but tries to keep me somewhat in the loop. I miss hearing about his day to day. It is really hard not being able to talk about what happens to him on a daily basis. While I want him to be able to talk to me, I think it is normal to be scared when he tells me about bombs, rockets, mortars, and such.

We didn't get to say good-bye. The MWR computer crashed once during chat and we got to start again, but the second time all connection is lost, it is lost for good for tonight. But now I can't sleep. This is way too many close calls recently. It may just be my perception of danger, but it sounds like it is a lot more dangerous than it was previously. Maybe he just trusts I can handle more of the truth this time. I am not sure which is the case, but perhaps a little of both.

Being ill this week has meant I am more run down and tired. Then the baby is up twice a night, every night and is not readjusting to daycare well. I just sank onto the floor and held her until it was bath/bed time last night. Nothing got done. I am swamped at work and can't grade any papers at home with a baby who demands constant attention or is pulling up and falling over constantly. I am struggling to get up each morning, have too much responsibility at work and am wiped out. Hearing about so many close calls is making me very emotional. I am just having a rough time. I couldn't sleep. I was too hyped up with concern.

He is worried that not having a CAB will keep him from getting promoted. I worry that he won't come home. I don't know how well I will sleep tonight. If being exhausted is any indicator, maybe sleep will come easier, but I think I will spend the rest of this deployment on pins and needles waiting every day to hear he is alright. It will be a very long 8 months.

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